Tobias Matthews codg and then a METRIC FUCKTON OF TEXT, wow these two are mad complicated.
to put it simply, Tobias Matthews is Dorian Gray's heart's desire. He's Dorian's chance at true happiness, Dorian's love, Dorian's one and only. Dorian Gray is head over heels in love with Tobias Matthews. He thinks that Toby's the best, he can barely see any wrong with regards to Toby, he's got tunnel vision called Tobias Matthews. The two had a blissful existence in the 1980s, a few happy years where they just spent all their time together and in love. Dorian wanted Toby so much, lusted after Toby so much that it was pretty damn pathetic in retrospect. Dorian Gray, eternally young and eternally beautiful, lusting after the one man who ignored him. But eventually the two came to a relationship. And what a happy relationship it was. Toby's suicide by sunlight plunged Dorian into a decade long depression, a ten year long funk in which he struggled just to simply get out of it, to find something that could possibly replace Toby (though really, he knows that nothing could fully replace Toby).
but at the same time, just as Toby has tunnel vision when it comes to Dorian, Dorian has tunnel vision when it comes to Toby. Dorian sees the best in Toby. He overlooks the fact that Toby's a vampire, that Toby is a killer by nature, and just sees the strengths and the beauty of the man he loves. He never tells Toby to stop, doesn't try to talk him out of it when Toby ends up committing suicide by sunlight. If Toby wanted to do it, then Dorian would let him. it would break his heart into a million pieces, but he'd let him. He would do anything for Toby, even saving his life by breaking his heart pretty damn viciously.
While there's so much love for Toby, there's also that streak of protectiveness. Because a: it's Dorian's fault (unintentionally) that he brought Toby back to life to begin with, b: it's totally Dorian's fault that he fucked up in canon and lost Toby again that horrible Christmas, and c: there's always gonna be that little part of Dorian that just thinks it's his fault for not stopping Toby back in the 1980s. Like hell anything's going to harm Toby on Dorian's watch. Like hell Dorian's going to let Toby slip away from him in this world, now that they're back together again. He doesn't want a world without Toby. So hey, if Toby wants to try some things, wants Dorian to please stop flirting, then Dorian will try his hardest to appease that and do what Toby wants. He's got a chance to settle down and just be with Toby, he's going to take advantage of that come hell or high water.
And hey. Toby's here, Toby's alive, Toby is not possessed by Satan, and Dorian is not going to let this chance slip away from his fingers and he is going to try his hardest not to fuck it up. There's just this little part of Dorian's mind that wishes Toby would have the same level of trying not to fuck up a relationship that he has because YOU HAVE DIED TWICE, TOBIAS MATTHEWS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE PLEASE STOP THAT.
they're a trainwreck. but, they're a happy trainwreck and a trainwreck in love.
an immortal partner in crime, the Clyde to Dorian's Bonnie. Literally, as the two jokingly called each other that and robbed banks together for shits and giggles. They originally met when Shade just oh so casually revealed that yeah, he knew Oscar Wilde as well, and what started as a friendship based on a mutual acquaintance has blossomed to a great friendship that involves them teleporting to London for shits and giggles (and also Dorian enduring Shade’s griping about wanting to visit London in the first place). Shade also is someone who Dorian can willingly bug about superpowers and things like that. Dorian comes from a supernatural canon, he’s got no idea how things like this work.
It's wonderful to have a like mind, and Dorian views Shade as one of them: a like mind with a similar personality. Shade is pretty much #1 in Dorian's book and he enjoys his company so so much. They’re massive snobs together both in wine and books but also, if Shade were to get into any trouble or anything like that, Dorian would be the first one leaping to his defense. Immortal bros gotta stick together.
Frederick Chilton hannibal Dorian's former shrink. His brief foray into being a psychiatric patient for shits and giggles ended when Dorian found out that he really didn't like Chilton in the slightest! He thinks the man's full of himself and a bit egotistical (well that's rich).
however, unknown to Dorian, during their sessions Chilton started a campaign of pretty much psychological manipulation (as well as actual physical chemical manipulation thanks to that sedative power that Dorian’s blissfully unaware of) that's left Dorian with an inkling towards finding someone who he can use as his new project…and also thinking that Chilton's got this really creepy thing with touching. Since Dorian isn't Chilton's patient any more, they've tailored the relationship to something that ping-pongs between neutral and sheer distaste. The fact that Dorian's working with Will to try and fuck with Chilton's just gonna make it worse.
UPDATE Chilton now knows that it's been Dorian's organs that he received in the mail. They then got into a fight and Dorian is permanently on Chilton's shitlist, a fact which confuses Dorian because wow dude, way to take it personally. Dorian has yet to realize that not everybody is accustomed to the same level of bonkers he is and oh yeah, HE WAS AN UTTER SHITHEEL.
Sasha Blouse attack on titan The problem with getting on someone's good side pretty much just to manipulate them and make yourself look better means that you're stuck on their good side. What started off as Dorian being friendly to Sasha to subconsciously prove to Will that he's more than just a sinner with a dubious reputation + to try and repair Sasha's broken friendship with Toby ended up with him befriending Sasha, to the extent that he got her a magic bullet for a housewarming present. He's now pretty much aces in the eyes of Sasha Blouse...which would be good except Dorian still gives minimal shits about her.
she also ran him over with a car one time. That was a thing that definitely happened. She then bit him but let's be real, he deserved it.
Jacob Taylor mass effect go away go away go awaaaaaaaay. Jacob and Dorian had the worst first impression ever: Jacob beat up Dorian during Dorian's brief stint as a supervillain, when Dorian tried to arrest Jacob for breaking the law with regards to Archangel. Jacob thinks that Dorian's a hedonistic partyboy who doesn't care who or what gets hurt as long as he gets what he wants. Dorian thinks that Jacob has a stick up his ass and is trying to stop a fire by pouring oil on it with regards to Archangel fighting crime in Maurtia Falls. It also doesn't help that Dorian can't leave well enough alone and takes every chance he can get to needle Jacob and basically go 'neener, neener, neener.'
Will Graham hannibal you know how Chilton told Dorian to find a project? whoops. Will is that project. Dorian's spending his time trying to seem appealing, trying to wrap Will around his finger in the hopes that he can get the man to do whatever he wanted (violence and corruption wise. Dorian knows that he's straight out of luck when it comes to sex). From bloody couches to mailing him body parts, Dorian's just tried all sorts of varied strategies for 'let's fuck with Will.'
said attempts to coax Will to his side have ended up with Dorian lying off his ass and pretending that he knows about shadow powers and also giving him a key to his portrait in a bizarre attempt to get Will to trust him more that's actually kind of working? seriously, they've entered this weird (at least in Dorian's mind) part where Dorian trusts Will with some things and still wants to find a way to just shatter that life he's got, but he also really enjoys Will and his family and stayed over at their house for a week or so and he did not sign up for the emotion train. It's much easier to manipulate somebody when you don't enjoy playing video games with them.
AND OH YEAH, WILL'S A CANNIBAL, THAT'S A THING, HOW THE FUCK DID DORIAN NOT PICK UP ON THAT on the plus side tho, this makes Will 10x more interesting, let's hear all about Baltimore.
Because Saya has to have a deal. She's weird in small, barely noticeable ways, she's remarkably cavalier about murder, seems to roll with the supernatural, has simply weird opinions about vampires, she's got to have a deal and Dorian's going to figure out what it is. Thankfully, she's enjoyable company even if her default state is 'emotions are for losers', so Dorian's always up for hanging out or drinking or simply just talking as long as it puts him one step closer to finding out her deal.
Marion Hawke dragon age The problem with these two is that Dorian's gotten to be friends with Hawke that he's forgotten the reason he made friends with her in the first place, which is "I sure do not want this lady who can set people on fire to set me on fire again."
All in all, Dorian considers Hawke to be a good friend! He can tease her a bit, they'll get drunk together, they'll bring each other cake, she can tease him on his taste in movies—they're not besties, but they're certainly friends. And she's a friend that he's going to keep most of his illegal wheelings and dealings to himself because hey, she's Archangel. As long as she never finds out about Dorian's terrible body count and lack of remorse when it comes to murdering some people, they are gonna be cool. He knows that she probably thinks he's a poncy idiot and hey, okay with that, better to think he's a goddamn moron than to think he's dangerous. Cause as soon as Hawke realizes "wait a moment, not only is he a massive coward with too much self-interest, he's a goddamn murderer" Dorian's ass is grass.
Klarion Bleak dc comics there is no goddamn way this kid is sixteen.
It is so easy for Dorian to default to bratty big brother when dealing with Klarion. He'll gladly enable the witch-boy's terrible decisions, he'll provide the getaway car when Klarion inevitably robs a bank, he'll get Klarion drunk for shits and giggles, he'll let the kid drag him halfway around the world to Rome, Dorian is starting to develop a soft spot for Klarion...which he'll show in his own little Dorian Gray way by occasionally being a terror. You tease the ones you love, right? Right. And if they're Klarion "blue and slightly homicidal Peter Pan" then the teasing is justified. After all, it builds character. At the same time, Dorian knows that the horrible little blue terror and his even worse cat have somehow wormed their way into Dorian's heart. He's accepted the fact that Klarion's going to pop in and steal his milk on multiple occasions and (only once or twice) might actually let him get away with it. The kid grows on you.
Kitty Jones the bartimeus trilogy On one hand? Kitty Jones is dangerous. not because she's someone who can take action and fuck up his life, not because she's someone who knows a ton about him, not because she's someone who has actual power here, but because she's someone who showed Dorian what he truly fears. Her power to nullify other powers turned him old, like a corpse, turned him into what he feared the most: age. It doesn't help that he ran into her when he had just killed some poor npc, courtesy of the Horseman of War. It also doesn't help that Dorian's true appearance scared the ever-loving shit out of poor Kitty. As it is, both of them treat the other with wariness and a healthy dose of anger.
But on the other hand? Kitty Jones is an immature kid who it is so fun to argue with. Dorian enjoys provoking Kitty and often bothers her just for the sake of bothering, getting into the world's most snitty fights that he ends up taking personally because he's thinned skinned. It's a never-ending cycle of 'I'm going to bother Kitty Jones and purposefully be an ass' which ends up leading directly to 'oh my god why did I bother Kitty Jones, she won't shut up, this is a terrible decision.'
Billy Kaplan marvel 616 The two met when Billy killed Dorian with a toilet.
no, that's a lie, Dorian's always known about Billy if only by proxy. He's one of Kate's, one of the Young Avengers or whatever they're calling their fun little super-group. It's only when death by toilet happened that Dorian proceeded to give Billy the time of day and by time of day, I mean pouted and pitched a fit. Billy walks a fine line between 'man I can't stand this kid' and 'man this kid is surprisingly useful.' Billy's powerful and, because of various factors, one of which being that they totally sucked face during a hostage crisis, Dorian's comfortable enough with Billy to bother him about all sorts of various things such as the state of his soul.
Of course, Dorian doesn't entirely realize just how annoyed Billy is at him and his constant teasing. It wouldn't change anything if he did know, though. Kid's way too easy to make fun of.
Jeff Winger community ohhhhh it is a good thing Dorian hasn't connected the dots that Jeff was the Horseman of War during that event. Because really? Dorian adores Jeff. he's the sort of person who compliments someone bringing a hooker to a birthday party, he's someone who enjoys drinking, having a good time, and picking up twenty-somethings in Cancun. Jeff's someone who Dorian can discuss hypothetical-possibly-reality plans to take a trip down to Mexico during Spring Break and he's someone whose morals are equally fucked as Dorian's. Considering that Jeff's outside of Dorian's normal taste profile (i.e. he's over thirty), the two have potential to be great friends and more partners in crime than anything else.
The only problem, though? he's one of Will's. And Dorian doesn't know just how badly Jeff's going to find out if (let's be real, when) he learns of Dorian's true intentions towards Will aka trying to fuck him up via body parts. nbd, right? Riiiiiight.
Rincewind discworld Look at this little trainwreck of a wizard. Rincewind is neurotic, under-sexed, a hot mess, and slowly becoming one of Dorian's favorite people. They got drunk and crashed a hotel jaccuzzi and later casually talked about flaying at a blues bar. He doubts he can ever truly make Rincewind a project, like he's done with Will or he's done with others. But he can at least have some fun with Rincewind and corrupt him a TEENY bit.
Plus, there's the Luggage! The Luggage is wonderful, who couldn't love that beautiful piece of homicidal suitcase.
Raina agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. It really is such a pity that Raina likes CHILTON of all people. Because Dorian enjoys her company. He enjoys that she's just as amoral as he is, she's perfectly fine reveling in that amoral nature, and she's perfectly fine enabling his amoral nature. She's a perfect person to be catty with, to judge nearly every imPort with, to tease and toy about her project. In another world, under different circumstances, he would tap that in a heartbeat as she's beautiful and also equally amoral. As it is? He's fine settling for drinks and gossip.
Can he fully trust her? Absolutely not, there is the Sword of Damocles named Frederick Chilton hanging over all of their conversations. But Raina's a wonderful person for idle chit-chat and letting some of Dorian's inner darkness just seep out a bit.
people who Dorian has managed to piss off by the sheer fact he's Dorian Gray - Lucy Pevensie - Matthew Lynch - Ronan Lynch - Kanaya Maryam - Noah Czerny - Kaiden Alenko - possibly definitely Gregor Vorberra - possibly Miles Vorkosignan - Sam Merlotte - Nicolas Demidov ( back up )
people I need to add - JPM - April Ludgate - Persephone - Sarissa Theron ( back up )
Petyr Baelish game of thrones Look, if you're gonna be an amoral ass-kisser, better to kiss the ass of someone who's not literally Satan.
Baelish can get Dorian closer to the good life. Baelish is also a man with an agenda and now with political power. Dorian does not want to be on the wrong side of that power and would like to keep being an amoral shitheel who likes to break the law so yes, hello there Baelish, these two are now buds. It's also a good thing that Dorian really likes Baelish and will gladly help him in his quest to...do something (Dorian's still not sure what) because the man's admirably crafty and certainly not boring. And hey, at least he's not Revan (fucking Revan.)
Mark Vorkosigan vorkosigan saga The Vorkosigans are a fucking soap opera of bad decisions, clones, drama, and relationships. Someone probably accidentally slept with their cousin in there, Dorian isn't touching that crazy. Or, at least, he's not touching that crazy except for Mark.
Because Mark is smart. Mark's got a knack for money and successfully managed some of Dorian's funds. He'll at least trust Mark with that much, no matter what sort of clone/fake name/guess whose mother just got Ported in bullshit that all the Vorks have to deal with. Mark's...also a bit of a weenie person whom Dorian suspects doesn't have many friends. He's perfectly fine being friends with Mark, especially if it gets him little perks like Mark warning Dorian when Lucifer's about to have a shitfit. He likes the kid, after all, and no amount of clone bullshit is going to change that.
But seriously, GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN LIFE MARK, YOU DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAZY FOREVER, as someone with no sense of familial obligations, Dorian is just baffled by the fact that Mark's all buddy buddy family times with relatively complete strangers, HAUL ASS AND LEAVE THEM BEHIND.
April Ludgate parks & recreation April's "giving minimal fucks" attitude with regards to a lot of life mixed with Dorian's "giving minimal fucks" attitude is probably one of the main reasons why they're friends. Because Dorian likes April. She's fun, she's entertaining, she's got a wonderfully dry sense of humor, he's perfectly fine gossiping with her at social events or dragging her into a pillow fight.
And wow is Dorian glad that she seems to have mostly forgiven him for messing with her husband. Dorian's not entirely sure why but gift horses and all that. He's trying his best to get back on April's good side because again, he really likes her and wants to be a catty asshole with her when someone inevitably mucks things up.
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tobias matthews
hisheartsdesire
codg
and then a METRIC FUCKTON OF TEXT, wow these two are mad complicated.
to put it simply, Tobias Matthews is Dorian Gray's heart's desire. He's Dorian's chance at true happiness, Dorian's love, Dorian's one and only. Dorian Gray is head over heels in love with Tobias Matthews. He thinks that Toby's the best, he can barely see any wrong with regards to Toby, he's got tunnel vision called Tobias Matthews. The two had a blissful existence in the 1980s, a few happy years where they just spent all their time together and in love. Dorian wanted Toby so much, lusted after Toby so much that it was pretty damn pathetic in retrospect. Dorian Gray, eternally young and eternally beautiful, lusting after the one man who ignored him. But eventually the two came to a relationship. And what a happy relationship it was. Toby's suicide by sunlight plunged Dorian into a decade long depression, a ten year long funk in which he struggled just to simply get out of it, to find something that could possibly replace Toby (though really, he knows that nothing could fully replace Toby).
but at the same time, just as Toby has tunnel vision when it comes to Dorian, Dorian has tunnel vision when it comes to Toby. Dorian sees the best in Toby. He overlooks the fact that Toby's a vampire, that Toby is a killer by nature, and just sees the strengths and the beauty of the man he loves. He never tells Toby to stop, doesn't try to talk him out of it when Toby ends up committing suicide by sunlight. If Toby wanted to do it, then Dorian would let him. it would break his heart into a million pieces, but he'd let him. He would do anything for Toby, even saving his life by breaking his heart pretty damn viciously.
While there's so much love for Toby, there's also that streak of protectiveness. Because a: it's Dorian's fault (unintentionally) that he brought Toby back to life to begin with, b: it's totally Dorian's fault that he fucked up in canon and lost Toby again that horrible Christmas, and c: there's always gonna be that little part of Dorian that just thinks it's his fault for not stopping Toby back in the 1980s. Like hell anything's going to harm Toby on Dorian's watch. Like hell Dorian's going to let Toby slip away from him in this world, now that they're back together again. He doesn't want a world without Toby. So hey, if Toby wants to try some things, wants Dorian to please stop flirting, then Dorian will try his hardest to appease that and do what Toby wants. He's got a chance to settle down and just be with Toby, he's going to take advantage of that come hell or high water.
And hey. Toby's here, Toby's alive, Toby is not possessed by Satan, and Dorian is not going to let this chance slip away from his fingers and he is going to try his hardest not to fuck it up. There's just this little part of Dorian's mind that wishes Toby would have the same level of trying not to fuck up a relationship that he has because YOU HAVE DIED TWICE, TOBIAS MATTHEWS, FOR FUCK'S SAKE PLEASE STOP THAT.
they're a trainwreck. but, they're a happy trainwreck and a trainwreck in love.
( back up )
the shade
foreshadower
dc comics
Cultured Bestie.
an immortal partner in crime, the Clyde to Dorian's Bonnie. Literally, as the two jokingly called each other that and robbed banks together for shits and giggles. They originally met when Shade just oh so casually revealed that yeah, he knew Oscar Wilde as well, and what started as a friendship based on a mutual acquaintance has blossomed to a great friendship that involves them teleporting to London for shits and giggles (and also Dorian enduring Shade’s griping about wanting to visit London in the first place). Shade also is someone who Dorian can willingly bug about superpowers and things like that. Dorian comes from a supernatural canon, he’s got no idea how things like this work.
It's wonderful to have a like mind, and Dorian views Shade as one of them: a like mind with a similar personality. Shade is pretty much #1 in Dorian's book and he enjoys his company so so much. They’re massive snobs together both in wine and books but also, if Shade were to get into any trouble or anything like that, Dorian would be the first one leaping to his defense. Immortal bros gotta stick together.
frederick chilton
slightlyoffchilt
hannibal
Dorian's former shrink. His brief foray into being a psychiatric patient for shits and giggles ended when Dorian found out that he really didn't like Chilton in the slightest! He thinks the man's full of himself and a bit egotistical (well that's rich).
however, unknown to Dorian, during their sessions Chilton started a campaign of pretty much psychological manipulation (as well as actual physical chemical manipulation thanks to that sedative power that Dorian’s blissfully unaware of) that's left Dorian with an inkling towards finding someone who he can use as his new project…and also thinking that Chilton's got this really creepy thing with touching. Since Dorian isn't Chilton's patient any more, they've tailored the relationship to something that ping-pongs between neutral and sheer distaste. The fact that Dorian's working with Will to try and fuck with Chilton's just gonna make it worse.
UPDATE Chilton now knows that it's been Dorian's organs that he received in the mail. They then got into a fight and Dorian is permanently on Chilton's shitlist, a fact which confuses Dorian because wow dude, way to take it personally. Dorian has yet to realize that not everybody is accustomed to the same level of bonkers he is and oh yeah, HE WAS AN UTTER SHITHEEL.
( back up )
sasha blouse
huntergames
attack on titan
The problem with getting on someone's good side pretty much just to manipulate them and make yourself look better means that you're stuck on their good side. What started off as Dorian being friendly to Sasha to subconsciously prove to Will that he's more than just a sinner with a dubious reputation + to try and repair Sasha's broken friendship with Toby ended up with him befriending Sasha, to the extent that he got her a magic bullet for a housewarming present. He's now pretty much aces in the eyes of Sasha Blouse...which would be good except Dorian still gives minimal shits about her.
she also ran him over with a car one time. That was a thing that definitely happened. She then bit him but let's be real, he deserved it.
( back up )
jacob taylor
darkpants_warmfeeling
mass effect
go away go away go awaaaaaaaay. Jacob and Dorian had the worst first impression ever: Jacob beat up Dorian during Dorian's brief stint as a supervillain, when Dorian tried to arrest Jacob for breaking the law with regards to Archangel. Jacob thinks that Dorian's a hedonistic partyboy who doesn't care who or what gets hurt as long as he gets what he wants. Dorian thinks that Jacob has a stick up his ass and is trying to stop a fire by pouring oil on it with regards to Archangel fighting crime in Maurtia Falls. It also doesn't help that Dorian can't leave well enough alone and takes every chance he can get to needle Jacob and basically go 'neener, neener, neener.'
unsurprisingly, they really hate each other.
( back up )
will graham
infomodder
hannibal
you know how Chilton told Dorian to find a project? whoops. Will is that project. Dorian's spending his time trying to seem appealing, trying to wrap Will around his finger in the hopes that he can get the man to do whatever he wanted (violence and corruption wise. Dorian knows that he's straight out of luck when it comes to sex). From bloody couches to mailing him body parts, Dorian's just tried all sorts of varied strategies for 'let's fuck with Will.'
said attempts to coax Will to his side have ended up with Dorian lying off his ass and pretending that he knows about shadow powers and also giving him a key to his portrait in a bizarre attempt to get Will to trust him more that's actually kind of working? seriously, they've entered this weird (at least in Dorian's mind) part where Dorian trusts Will with some things and still wants to find a way to just shatter that life he's got, but he also really enjoys Will and his family and stayed over at their house for a week or so and he did not sign up for the emotion train. It's much easier to manipulate somebody when you don't enjoy playing video games with them.
AND OH YEAH, WILL'S A CANNIBAL, THAT'S A THING, HOW THE FUCK DID DORIAN NOT PICK UP ON THAT on the plus side tho, this makes Will 10x more interesting, let's hear all about Baltimore.
( back up )
saya wallace
instars
w.o.d.
What is her deal???
Because Saya has to have a deal. She's weird in small, barely noticeable ways, she's remarkably cavalier about murder, seems to roll with the supernatural, has simply weird opinions about vampires, she's got to have a deal and Dorian's going to figure out what it is. Thankfully, she's enjoyable company even if her default state is 'emotions are for losers', so Dorian's always up for hanging out or drinking or simply just talking as long as it puts him one step closer to finding out her deal.
( back up )
marion hawke
whathawksdo
dragon age
The problem with these two is that Dorian's gotten to be friends with Hawke that he's forgotten the reason he made friends with her in the first place, which is "I sure do not want this lady who can set people on fire to set me on fire again."
All in all, Dorian considers Hawke to be a good friend! He can tease her a bit, they'll get drunk together, they'll bring each other cake, she can tease him on his taste in movies—they're not besties, but they're certainly friends. And she's a friend that he's going to keep most of his illegal wheelings and dealings to himself because hey, she's Archangel. As long as she never finds out about Dorian's terrible body count and lack of remorse when it comes to murdering some people, they are gonna be cool. He knows that she probably thinks he's a poncy idiot and hey, okay with that, better to think he's a goddamn moron than to think he's dangerous. Cause as soon as Hawke realizes "wait a moment, not only is he a massive coward with too much self-interest, he's a goddamn murderer" Dorian's ass is grass.
( back up )
klarion bleak
beneathbluerafters
dc comics
there is no goddamn way this kid is sixteen.
It is so easy for Dorian to default to bratty big brother when dealing with Klarion. He'll gladly enable the witch-boy's terrible decisions, he'll provide the getaway car when Klarion inevitably robs a bank, he'll get Klarion drunk for shits and giggles, he'll let the kid drag him halfway around the world to Rome, Dorian is starting to develop a soft spot for Klarion...which he'll show in his own little Dorian Gray way by occasionally being a terror. You tease the ones you love, right? Right. And if they're Klarion "blue and slightly homicidal Peter Pan" then the teasing is justified. After all, it builds character. At the same time, Dorian knows that the horrible little blue terror and his even worse cat have somehow wormed their way into Dorian's heart. He's accepted the fact that Klarion's going to pop in and steal his milk on multiple occasions and (only once or twice) might actually let him get away with it. The kid grows on you.
( back up )
kitty jones
rathercommon
the bartimeus trilogy
On one hand? Kitty Jones is dangerous. not because she's someone who can take action and fuck up his life, not because she's someone who knows a ton about him, not because she's someone who has actual power here, but because she's someone who showed Dorian what he truly fears. Her power to nullify other powers turned him old, like a corpse, turned him into what he feared the most: age. It doesn't help that he ran into her when he had just killed some poor npc, courtesy of the Horseman of War. It also doesn't help that Dorian's true appearance scared the ever-loving shit out of poor Kitty. As it is, both of them treat the other with wariness and a healthy dose of anger.
But on the other hand? Kitty Jones is an immature kid who it is so fun to argue with. Dorian enjoys provoking Kitty and often bothers her just for the sake of bothering, getting into the world's most snitty fights that he ends up taking personally because he's thinned skinned. It's a never-ending cycle of 'I'm going to bother Kitty Jones and purposefully be an ass' which ends up leading directly to 'oh my god why did I bother Kitty Jones, she won't shut up, this is a terrible decision.'
( back up )
billy kaplan
inmyothertights
marvel 616
The two met when Billy killed Dorian with a toilet.
no, that's a lie, Dorian's always known about Billy if only by proxy. He's one of Kate's, one of the Young Avengers or whatever they're calling their fun little super-group. It's only when death by toilet happened that Dorian proceeded to give Billy the time of day and by time of day, I mean pouted and pitched a fit. Billy walks a fine line between 'man I can't stand this kid' and 'man this kid is surprisingly useful.' Billy's powerful and, because of various factors, one of which being that they totally sucked face during a hostage crisis, Dorian's comfortable enough with Billy to bother him about all sorts of various things such as the state of his soul.
Of course, Dorian doesn't entirely realize just how annoyed Billy is at him and his constant teasing. It wouldn't change anything if he did know, though. Kid's way too easy to make fun of.
( back up )
jeff winger
textualhealing
community
ohhhhh it is a good thing Dorian hasn't connected the dots that Jeff was the Horseman of War during that event. Because really? Dorian adores Jeff. he's the sort of person who compliments someone bringing a hooker to a birthday party, he's someone who enjoys drinking, having a good time, and picking up twenty-somethings in Cancun. Jeff's someone who Dorian can discuss hypothetical-possibly-reality plans to take a trip down to Mexico during Spring Break and he's someone whose morals are equally fucked as Dorian's. Considering that Jeff's outside of Dorian's normal taste profile (i.e. he's over thirty), the two have potential to be great friends and more partners in crime than anything else.
The only problem, though? he's one of Will's. And Dorian doesn't know just how badly Jeff's going to find out if (let's be real, when) he learns of Dorian's true intentions towards Will aka trying to fuck him up via body parts. nbd, right? Riiiiiight.
( back up )
rincewind
wizzardly
discworld
Look at this little trainwreck of a wizard. Rincewind is neurotic, under-sexed, a hot mess, and slowly becoming one of Dorian's favorite people. They got drunk and crashed a hotel jaccuzzi and later casually talked about flaying at a blues bar. He doubts he can ever truly make Rincewind a project, like he's done with Will or he's done with others. But he can at least have some fun with Rincewind and corrupt him a TEENY bit.
Plus, there's the Luggage! The Luggage is wonderful, who couldn't love that beautiful piece of homicidal suitcase.
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raina
flowerette
agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.
It really is such a pity that Raina likes CHILTON of all people. Because Dorian enjoys her company. He enjoys that she's just as amoral as he is, she's perfectly fine reveling in that amoral nature, and she's perfectly fine enabling his amoral nature. She's a perfect person to be catty with, to judge nearly every imPort with, to tease and toy about her project. In another world, under different circumstances, he would tap that in a heartbeat as she's beautiful and also equally amoral. As it is? He's fine settling for drinks and gossip.
Can he fully trust her? Absolutely not, there is the Sword of Damocles named Frederick Chilton hanging over all of their conversations. But Raina's a wonderful person for idle chit-chat and letting some of Dorian's inner darkness just seep out a bit.
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& the rest
- Lucy Pevensie
- Matthew Lynch
- Ronan Lynch
- Kanaya Maryam
- Noah Czerny
- Kaiden Alenko
-
possiblydefinitely Gregor Vorberra- possibly Miles Vorkosignan
- Sam Merlotte
- Nicolas Demidov
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- JPM
- April Ludgate
- Persephone
- Sarissa Theron
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petyr baelish
baetiful
game of thrones
Look, if you're gonna be an amoral ass-kisser, better to kiss the ass of someone who's not literally Satan.
Baelish can get Dorian closer to the good life. Baelish is also a man with an agenda and now with political power. Dorian does not want to be on the wrong side of that power and would like to keep being an amoral shitheel who likes to break the law so yes, hello there Baelish, these two are now buds. It's also a good thing that Dorian really likes Baelish and will gladly help him in his quest to...do something (Dorian's still not sure what) because the man's admirably crafty and certainly not boring. And hey, at least he's not Revan (fucking Revan.)
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mark vorkosigan
jacksonian
vorkosigan saga
The Vorkosigans are a fucking soap opera of bad decisions, clones, drama, and relationships. Someone probably accidentally slept with their cousin in there, Dorian isn't touching that crazy. Or, at least, he's not touching that crazy except for Mark.
Because Mark is smart. Mark's got a knack for money and successfully managed some of Dorian's funds. He'll at least trust Mark with that much, no matter what sort of clone/fake name/guess whose mother just got Ported in bullshit that all the Vorks have to deal with. Mark's...also a bit of a
weenieperson whom Dorian suspects doesn't have many friends. He's perfectly fine being friends with Mark, especially if it gets him little perks like Mark warning Dorian when Lucifer's about to have a shitfit. He likes the kid, after all, and no amount of clone bullshit is going to change that.But seriously, GET YOURSELF YOUR OWN LIFE MARK, YOU DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAZY FOREVER, as someone with no sense of familial obligations, Dorian is just baffled by the fact that Mark's all buddy buddy family times with relatively complete strangers, HAUL ASS AND LEAVE THEM BEHIND.
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april ludgate
aggressiveapathy
parks & recreation
April's "giving minimal fucks" attitude with regards to a lot of life mixed with Dorian's "giving minimal fucks" attitude is probably one of the main reasons why they're friends. Because Dorian likes April. She's fun, she's entertaining, she's got a wonderfully dry sense of humor, he's perfectly fine gossiping with her at social events or dragging her into a pillow fight.
And wow is Dorian glad that she seems to have mostly forgiven him for messing with her husband. Dorian's not entirely sure why but gift horses and all that. He's trying his best to get back on April's good side because again, he really likes her and wants to be a catty asshole with her when someone inevitably mucks things up.
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