[The Archivist can picture it now. Those three people, their terror. He knows he'll be seeing them tonight, getting to know their faces, their voices, everything about them before Dorian had stripped them away.]
The deaths? No. The only thing I regret were my actions that led me to those choices in the first place. The first good thing I've done in ages and it was a fucking mistake.
[ which Dorian is VERY bitter about. He had heard of 'no good deed goes unpunished' but those two years stuck in his portrait were a living hell Dorian could never have expected. ]
[There is some horrible irony in that, but given that the majority of heroic and selfless gestures Jon has made in his life had prepared him for the apocalypse... he can't say he doesn't relate to some degree. Life is unfair, karma is a lie, and people rarely get what they deserve. They just get what they get.]
I don't think it was. You saved someone. That's... rarely is that a mistake. You might not have liked what came after, but it wasn't a mistake what you did in the first place.
[It's what he's told himself sometimes, anyway, when the misery about what had happened to Tim or saving Daisy or any other thing crosses his mind.]
What came after was that I murdered three people, [ Dorian sarcastically continues. ]
And those people I killed? They were so young. Stupid twenty-somethings, with so much potential, who's only crime was to break into the wrong house at the wrong time. Their deaths happened because I made a foolish attempt at altruism.
[ There's a part of this dilemma that Dorian is overlooking. He didn't have to kill those people. But, at least in his mind, he totally did. What else could he have done, just accepted his own personal hell? ]
What came after was your imprisonment. None of those people had to die. You could have stayed in there.
[It's unfortunate that Jon can also relate to being stuck in a personalized hell and wanting to get out. He didn't have to kill anyone for that to happen, but after two years... he might have.]
No, I really couldn't, [ Dorian says with 100% certainty. ] You have no idea what that hell was like for me. I would have jumped at any chance I took to get out of there.
Unless you want to try to be better than you base nature. [Which... this situation is proving that Jon's not, either. He stands abruptly, reaching for the tape recorder.] End recording. I need to go. We're not doing this again. I can't do this again. I'm going to tell Martin the next time you ask me to meet you in-person.
You'll be back~ [ Dorian says, in a sing-song tone, still seated. He's seen the way that Jon looks at him. There's no way that man can entirely ignore him. ]
I'll make sure to have a lovely story for you when you return. Maybe ghosts? Or perhaps the time I took on the body of someone else.
[Jon fights the urge to snap something. It will be giving Dorian the attention he wants. Instead, the Archivist circumnavigates the table, snatches up his phone and head out the door. Better to be away before the other man can remember to ask any other questions.]
[ And Dorian lets him. It's only after Jon leaves and Dorian starts pushing his chair in that he remembers he should have probably asked about that 'grand purpose' thing.
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Statement ends.
Do you regret it? Any of it?
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[ which Dorian is VERY bitter about. He had heard of 'no good deed goes unpunished' but those two years stuck in his portrait were a living hell Dorian could never have expected. ]
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I don't think it was. You saved someone. That's... rarely is that a mistake. You might not have liked what came after, but it wasn't a mistake what you did in the first place.
[It's what he's told himself sometimes, anyway, when the misery about what had happened to Tim or saving Daisy or any other thing crosses his mind.]
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And those people I killed? They were so young. Stupid twenty-somethings, with so much potential, who's only crime was to break into the wrong house at the wrong time. Their deaths happened because I made a foolish attempt at altruism.
[ There's a part of this dilemma that Dorian is overlooking. He didn't have to kill those people. But, at least in his mind, he totally did. What else could he have done, just accepted his own personal hell? ]
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[It's unfortunate that Jon can also relate to being stuck in a personalized hell and wanting to get out. He didn't have to kill anyone for that to happen, but after two years... he might have.]
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I think I can guess. That still doesn't mean it was needed. It's what you wanted.
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[ This isn't always 100% true. But in Dorian's mind, it's true enough for him to make blanket statements like this. ]
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[He's going to try to make himself tell Martin.]
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I'll make sure to have a lovely story for you when you return. Maybe ghosts? Or perhaps the time I took on the body of someone else.
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Fuck. Well, he can always bother him next time. ]