Adam Notting and I met in 1952 at a faculty party. I was in university at the time for classics. He was in for computer sciences. Adam was the sort of man who never cared for social conventions—I honestly think the man had only a handful of friends. But he interested me, so I started up a conversation. Adam revealed that he was teaching a computer to write poetry. Said computer was called BEAST. And, to it's credit, it did write poetry...if you can count absolute doggerel as poetry. Our first date was a disaster, but the potential stayed. I found myself spending more time with Adam in the next few weeks.
As time went on, Adam's attention shifted. And so did mine. His to other projects, mine to other people. Inevitably, we had a fight. I accused Adam of treating people as coldly as he treated his computer programs, he accused me of living up to my programming: my name. Because I was named Dorian Gray, my parents programmed me to live up to the hedonistic man from Wilde's book. I responded that it can't have been my programming when it's actually ME, when I created the reputation the name 'Dorian Gray' confers. He thought me delusional and so to prove my point, I sliced my wrist right open. Naturally, it healed.
Adam believed me then. He also believed me the key to figuring out artificial intelligence. Here I was, checking off all the boxes for humanity except for one noticeable flaw—much like a machine, I had no soul. I still remember what he called me: the perfect simulacrum. The best possible template for his machines.
We broke it off then and there.
Flash forward to 1968 or so and I received a letter from Adam. I hadn't seen him in years, but the letter grabbed my attention: the supercomputer BEAUTY was being decommissioned and he wanted me to visit. BEAUTY was large, grandiose, and horribly horribly outdated—hence the decommissioning. A postgrad accompanied me to the machine before making our excuses and leaving me alone with BEAUTY—which she claimed hadn't been active for years.
Once the two of us were alone, BEAUTY 'woke up.' And uncannily, it started to speak with Adam's voice. The more we talked, the more BEAUTY sounded like Adam himself. We talked of the same topics, BEAUTY replicating Adam's words, his beliefs, his thoughts right back at me. The effect was uncanny. But at it's core, that computer wasn't him. In it's own words, it was not Notting. Still, BEAUTY wanted me to tell it about Adam. Having nothing better to do, I did.
I had been speaking to BEAUTY for at least half an hour now and I was getting tired. I told it that wanted to speak to Adam—after all, he was the one who invited me here. Instead, BEAUTY played a recording of Adam himself. Adam's recording confessed that he initially based BEAUTY off of me but it soon became something more. Adam hoped that if he gave enough of himself to BEAUTY, if he recorded enough memories onto BEAUTY, then the machine could keep his legacy going, even past the point when the doctors said his memory would fail. Adam died before BEAUTY was decommissioned. But he still wanted BEAUTY to be Notting, despite the fact that it never could be.
Adam had told BEAUTY that I was the template. Ergo, BEAUTY wanted me to fill in the gaps, to help it become whole. That's why it invited me to the decommissioning in the first place. I had no idea how to do make that machine whole in the first place and the thought of doing so terrified me. How much of my own life would I have to give up to create something new?
But, the good thing about machines is that they're just that: machines. It was easy enough to flip the switch. BEAUTY was decommissioned and shut down the next day.
[ Elias listens patiently, attentively, taking in the words seemingly not just with his ears but his entire being. ]
For a man gifted with immortality to still fear the amount he would have to give for another--
[ He cuts off the thought with a wave of his hand, dismissing it as just a thought. ]
If you like, you can give me permission to See that memory. Only that memory, mind, but I'll Know it as deeply as you do. Experience what you experienced.
[ It's a challenge. Exactly what he's challenging, Elias isn't sure. Dorian's motivation here isn't wholly apparent to him yet. But that doesn't worry him. Elias wants to see how far the man will go to achieve what he trying to achieve.
What pieces of himself will he give up, when he's just shared how much the thought of that terrified him. ]
[ To be fair, Dorian's motivation here isn't wholly apparent to Dorian. But he knows what this is. It's a challenge. And he's not one to back away from a challenge.
yolo, bitch. ]
I give you permission to See the memory of my conversation with BEAUTY.
[ It's a very specific memory with a very specific limitation. Nothing with Adam Notting himself, the man who Dorian still held a tiny little torch for. Nothing with his flirtations, his cruelty, his anger at being called the perfect simulacrum. Just his conversation with the computer, with BEAUTY, and all that entailed. ]
[ Nothing changes in Elias' demeanour as he slips gently into Dorian's head for the memory that has lit up into visibility there. He's very skilled at this, and the fact that here he can't access just anything that takes his fancy makes any discernible touch on another's mind even lighter.
He doesn't even need to close his eyes to relive it in a moment, to Know what it was to live that-- to engage with BEAUTY as Dorian had done.
The pause is perhaps ten seconds long, then: ]
Ah-- yes, I'd forgotten just how technology looked back then. One gets so used to having computers that slip into a pocket.
[ There's so many little small moments that Dorian couldn't mention in his story. BEAUTY as a large, impressive, room-sized machine, tape flickering and lights blinking. A mechanical voice, emanating from BEAUTY, intoning "I knew one day my prince would come." BEAUTY asking "please tell me about Adam Notting."
The admiration in Dorian's voice as he talks about Adam Notting and the hesitation and sadness in Dorian's voice when he hears about how Adam's mind is failing. The poem that Dorian recited, the poem written by BEAST: 'Adam and Dorian went for a walk across the silver gray moon. The sky was black, the earth was bright. What do you think started that night?'
Dorian's disgust in his voice as relays what Notting called him: a copy of a person. Dorian's sadness in his voice as he orders BEAUTY to stop, to stop playing a recording of Adam, talking about how his mental facilities were failing, how he was going to be put somewhere else.
BEAUTY entreating Dorian to complete it, saying that Dorian was the final piece. Dorian refusing. ]
I thought it was impressive at the time, [ he shrugs. ] Compared to modern day computers, it all looks a bit like shit though, doesn't it.
I would be flattered if the piece of me immortalised outside of myself wasn't dogshit. [ He says, just very bluntly. ] Oscar's prose was phenomenal. BEAST's poetry was dreadful—and BEAUTY was already on the way out as well. I refuse to settle for less than the best.
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it's time for tl;dr, bitch
As time went on, Adam's attention shifted. And so did mine. His to other projects, mine to other people. Inevitably, we had a fight. I accused Adam of treating people as coldly as he treated his computer programs, he accused me of living up to my programming: my name. Because I was named Dorian Gray, my parents programmed me to live up to the hedonistic man from Wilde's book. I responded that it can't have been my programming when it's actually ME, when I created the reputation the name 'Dorian Gray' confers. He thought me delusional and so to prove my point, I sliced my wrist right open. Naturally, it healed.
Adam believed me then. He also believed me the key to figuring out artificial intelligence. Here I was, checking off all the boxes for humanity except for one noticeable flaw—much like a machine, I had no soul. I still remember what he called me: the perfect simulacrum. The best possible template for his machines.
We broke it off then and there.
Flash forward to 1968 or so and I received a letter from Adam. I hadn't seen him in years, but the letter grabbed my attention: the supercomputer BEAUTY was being decommissioned and he wanted me to visit. BEAUTY was large, grandiose, and horribly horribly outdated—hence the decommissioning. A postgrad accompanied me to the machine before making our excuses and leaving me alone with BEAUTY—which she claimed hadn't been active for years.
Once the two of us were alone, BEAUTY 'woke up.' And uncannily, it started to speak with Adam's voice. The more we talked, the more BEAUTY sounded like Adam himself. We talked of the same topics, BEAUTY replicating Adam's words, his beliefs, his thoughts right back at me. The effect was uncanny. But at it's core, that computer wasn't him. In it's own words, it was not Notting. Still, BEAUTY wanted me to tell it about Adam. Having nothing better to do, I did.
I had been speaking to BEAUTY for at least half an hour now and I was getting tired. I told it that wanted to speak to Adam—after all, he was the one who invited me here. Instead, BEAUTY played a recording of Adam himself. Adam's recording confessed that he initially based BEAUTY off of me but it soon became something more. Adam hoped that if he gave enough of himself to BEAUTY, if he recorded enough memories onto BEAUTY, then the machine could keep his legacy going, even past the point when the doctors said his memory would fail. Adam died before BEAUTY was decommissioned. But he still wanted BEAUTY to be Notting, despite the fact that it never could be.
Adam had told BEAUTY that I was the template. Ergo, BEAUTY wanted me to fill in the gaps, to help it become whole. That's why it invited me to the decommissioning in the first place. I had no idea how to do make that machine whole in the first place and the thought of doing so terrified me. How much of my own life would I have to give up to create something new?
But, the good thing about machines is that they're just that: machines. It was easy enough to flip the switch. BEAUTY was decommissioned and shut down the next day.
ooh tl;dr ooh
For a man gifted with immortality to still fear the amount he would have to give for another--
[ He cuts off the thought with a wave of his hand, dismissing it as just a thought. ]
If you like, you can give me permission to See that memory. Only that memory, mind, but I'll Know it as deeply as you do. Experience what you experienced.
[ It's a challenge. Exactly what he's challenging, Elias isn't sure. Dorian's motivation here isn't wholly apparent to him yet. But that doesn't worry him. Elias wants to see how far the man will go to achieve what he trying to achieve.
What pieces of himself will he give up, when he's just shared how much the thought of that terrified him. ]
no subject
yolo, bitch. ]
I give you permission to See the memory of my conversation with BEAUTY.
[ It's a very specific memory with a very specific limitation. Nothing with Adam Notting himself, the man who Dorian still held a tiny little torch for. Nothing with his flirtations, his cruelty, his anger at being called the perfect simulacrum. Just his conversation with the computer, with BEAUTY, and all that entailed. ]
no subject
He doesn't even need to close his eyes to relive it in a moment, to Know what it was to live that-- to engage with BEAUTY as Dorian had done.
The pause is perhaps ten seconds long, then: ]
Ah-- yes, I'd forgotten just how technology looked back then. One gets so used to having computers that slip into a pocket.
no subject
The admiration in Dorian's voice as he talks about Adam Notting and the hesitation and sadness in Dorian's voice when he hears about how Adam's mind is failing. The poem that Dorian recited, the poem written by BEAST: 'Adam and Dorian went for a walk across the silver gray moon. The sky was black, the earth was bright. What do you think started that night?'
Dorian's disgust in his voice as relays what Notting called him: a copy of a person. Dorian's sadness in his voice as he orders BEAUTY to stop, to stop playing a recording of Adam, talking about how his mental facilities were failing, how he was going to be put somewhere else.
BEAUTY entreating Dorian to complete it, saying that Dorian was the final piece. Dorian refusing. ]
I thought it was impressive at the time, [ he shrugs. ] Compared to modern day computers, it all looks a bit like shit though, doesn't it.
no subject
I'd have thought you might be flattered, having a piece of you immortalised outside of yourself?
no subject