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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

A list of reasons? Or a list of the older men? [ now he does laugh, a small, amused chuckle ]

I think I'll stick to the cocktails for now.

[brushoff]

A list of both—though I'd probably start with older men, just to make you jealous.

[ Dorian winks as he pushes the now-finished cocktail in Elias's direction. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ Elias receives the drink with more amusement ]

Jealous? Dorian, I don't think you're aware of exactly how long I've lived.

[ or what tends to happen to the men who become involved with him. ]

[brushoff]

Then tell me. How old are you really?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ rather than just answering, elias takes a drink. why just give someone what they'd asked for when you could make them wait for it a little ]

Jonah Magnus was born on All Soul's Day in the year of our lord seventeen hundred and eighty nine. A celebrated birth, the long expected eldest son of Lord and Lady Magnus.

[ he takes another sip, smiling almost to himself ]

But that was long ago and far away. Now, I am just shy of two-hundred and thirty years old.

[brushoff]

Fuck, [ Dorian sighs. ] Dorian Gray was born November 8, 1862—oooh, we're both Scorpios. Anyway, I came from twenty-twenty so that's....

[ pause to do maths! ]

One hundred and fifty eight? I'm assuming your birth name is Jonah Magnus, by the way. I know the pain of having to use aliases depending on the circumstances and due to the whole 'not dead' thing.

[ That...is not entirely the right assumption, but at least it's a reasonable assumption. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias smiles into his drink, definitely not about to answer that one truthfully ]

So you see? I have a whole extra half century's worth of young men in my wake. But I shan't provide you a list. None of them made cocktails half as well as you.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian visibly preens at that. ]

Careful. You'll give me a bigger head than I already have.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ wonderful, thinks elias, to see he'd read dorian well enough to suspect this would go according to plan.

(wonderful, thinks elias, to see how delighted the compliments made him) ]

I don't think that's possible. You're quite possibly the biggest narcissist who's ever lived.

[brushoff]

One gets that way when they have a novel written by one of the world's most talented writers written about them, [ he grins. ] If you had a novel written about you, I'm sure your ego would be horrifically off the charts.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ that gets another chuckle ]

I suspect you would be horrified by just how mundane a lot of my life has been. Bringing about the end of the world takes a lot of planning, and a lot of very uninteresting work to get people to do what you want.

[brushoff]

To be fair, my life's relatively mundane as well. I'd say ten months of peace and quiet to two cumulative months of nonsense?

[ a pause before he points out, ] The 2010s were different but as far as I'm concerned, that decade's an outlier.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Yes, my dear. But how often in those ten months do you sit down to spreadsheet out the timetables of your various employees?

[ the thought of Dorian doing anything so pedestrian is absolutely amusing, and he makes no attempt to hide it ]

[brushoff]

Did I ever tell you about the time I worked as a banker? I'm woefully accomplished at a solid spreadsheet.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

If you say any more I'll need to have you right here on this counter and that would waste all the effort you put into our drinks.

[brushoff]

Don't threaten me with a good time.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Why don't you tell me what could have brought the Dorian Gray down to a life of miserable spreadsheets while I finish my drink, and I'll weigh up whether I'd still like to fuck you.

[ he can't help himself; this smells like a story and he has to know ]

[brushoff]

In that case, our next drinks are going to be extra strong.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

That bad? We will need something stronger.

[ Against his better judgement, Elias knocks back the rest of the drink all at once. ]

Bartender's choice.

[brushoff]

[ You know what? Fuck it. ]

Shots, [ Dorian grins. ] Vodka shots. Let's get trashy.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ that finally gets actual laughter out of elias ]

Aren't we lucky it isn't a school night.

[ and just to show that he's on board, he sets about taking off his jacket and rolling up his shirtsleeves. ]

[brushoff]

[ That grin gets a little more wide and a little more stupid as Dorian slams down two shotglasses then fills each up with vodka. ]

Shall we?

[ And then he knocks back his shot with the practiced air of an alcoholic party boy. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Do remember to go easy on an old man.

[ Elias doesn't knock his back but downs it all in one pull. ]

Now. What was it that possessed you to become a banker of all things?

[brushoff]

You're not going to believe this...but simple boredom. I hadn't done it before, I've always had a head for numbers, I thought why the hell not.

Terminally dull, of course. But this was in 2005, before all the financial crises, so I had a lovely time doing absolutely dull nonsense in the day and getting coked out of my mind at night.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Ah. That kind of banker. [ he smiles again as things make sense. ]

You were the terror of the London night scene, I imagine.