Dorian lets out a little laugh, shaking his head before,
"I think with hindsight, the Trixie trip was different. I don't want to be one of those people who vanishes from the Barge and goes on a little vacation the moment things get hard or boring."
"I mean let's be real, I'm going to cause problems just by existing," Dorian points out, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Even if I wasn't trying to bait Misty, there would have been a few things I mentioned that she'd take offense with."
"Why do I somehow feel like I failed a test I wasn't aware of?" Dorian points out, little frown on his face. He walks over to Pagan so he can sit close to the man, leaning over to rest his head against his shoulders.
He leans his head against Dorian's and then takes his hand. "You didn't fail and there was no test. You know me too well for that. But this whole fucking ordeal has me - thinking, I suppose. Not about you, but what the fuck I'm doing here."
He takes his hand. "I was going to go back to my room, but I can stay, if you want."
There's a pause before Dorian asks, "Is this about what I told Misty? About why wardens are on the ship?"
Nobody was here for altruistic reasons. They were here because they wanted something or were scared to return home. Dorian will still hold true to that maxim. But it does make him wonder: what the fuck is Pagan doing here?
Dorian frowns for a moment, putting his words in order before,
"I don't think truly altruistic people exist. Nobody's selfless. At it's core, every action that people make is driven by something selfish. Misty thinks it's not about the job or the deal for you. I told her I think she's wrong. I told her that every warden on the ship is either here because they want something or they're too scared to return home. Nobody signs up on this ship just to help."
"Ah. Dorian, you're right. No one signs up to fucking help." He reaches up to cup his face. "But they stay to do so. Would you have left Trixie here, helpless and by herself and still fucking dead, if the Admiral wasn't able to deliver your deal?"
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He reaches over to take Dorian's wrist. "What are you worried about? Truly?"
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"Everything? Honestly, at the moment I think I just need an inmate. Someone to focus all my time and attention on so that I don't get bored."
Because Dorian knows that when he's bored, that's when he makes poor choices.
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He takes another drink and his touch turns softer on his wrist. "You need a hobby."
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But he knows Dorian.
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"I think with hindsight, the Trixie trip was different. I don't want to be one of those people who vanishes from the Barge and goes on a little vacation the moment things get hard or boring."
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Another drink and he moves off of the chair, walking idly through his rooms.
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"I'm troublesome, but at least I realize it."
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Leaning forward, he drapes his hands between his knees. "That was all I needed to figure out from you."
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"You're making me feel like a truant schoolboy."
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He takes his hand. "I was going to go back to my room, but I can stay, if you want."
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Nobody was here for altruistic reasons. They were here because they wanted something or were scared to return home. Dorian will still hold true to that maxim. But it does make him wonder: what the fuck is Pagan doing here?
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He pulls away, but only so he can look at him properly.
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"I don't think truly altruistic people exist. Nobody's selfless. At it's core, every action that people make is driven by something selfish. Misty thinks it's not about the job or the deal for you. I told her I think she's wrong. I told her that every warden on the ship is either here because they want something or they're too scared to return home. Nobody signs up on this ship just to help."
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He reaches over to squeeze his hand.
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He pats his hand.
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