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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[anti_altruisms]

[ Archer seems irritated all over again at the question. ]

How many times do I have to tell you that not everything has to do with sex before you actually listen to what I say?

[ jfc Dorian ]

Our circumstances are complicated in a way I don’t feel the need to explain to you or anyone else. We aren’t going to fuck, and that’s the end of it.

[brushoff]

[ Yeah, Dorian doesn't believe that. But he simply raises an eye before continuing with, ]

Of course you won't fuck. You'll just beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis instead. Completely healthy.

[ A pause before, ] And yes I know you'll bring up the Godric thing again. But I never said I was a healthy example of a role model.

[anti_altruisms]

It’s healthy in the sense that it provides a sort of release that both of us want.

I won’t lie and say it isn’t fucked up because it is.

But again — there is no permanent damage to either of us, and no one else is being harmed by it.

I only brought up Godric to highlight your hypocrisy and to try and explain this in a way you would understand.

[brushoff]

[ There's a long pause before Dorian sighs. ]

You know, if I ended up finding out about this, it's only a matter of time until someone else does as well.

[anti_altruisms]

If that happens, I will deal with it.

In the meantime, I expect you to respect my privacy and his and not to breathe a word of it to anyone.

[brushoff]

Oh trust me, I'm keeping this a secret. It'll open up more questions than answers if I tell.

[anti_altruisms]

Good.

[ The bookshelf barricading the door vanishes. ]

I'd say that's all that needs to be discussed.

[brushoff]

I suspect it is. [ Dorian, shrugs. ] Have fun beating each other half to death.

[anti_altruisms]

We’ll beat each other extra hard next time just for you.

[brushoff]

Oooh, invite me to watch!

[anti_altruisms]

You called both of us ‘deranged’, and now you want to watch?

[ He’s not surprised, but still. ]

[brushoff]

Why not? I'm always curious to see who'll last longest.

[anti_altruisms]

Neither of us care for an audience. But even if that weren’t the case, I expect he’s less likely to forgive you for what you said than I am.

[brushoff]

Oh, I don't mind it if I'm not forgiven, [ Dorian shrugs. ] I've dealt with worse in my life.

[anti_altruisms]

You shouldn’t be surprised, then, that the answer is no.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian doesn't say anything. Instead, he gives Archer some pathetic puppy dog eyes. ]

[anti_altruisms]

Is that expression supposed to change my mind?

[ Because, spoilers- it’s not. ]

[brushoff]

I'm very cute and useful and sweet and you should do things for me.

[anti_altruisms]

While I’m sure you do enjoy telling yourself that, that doesn’t mean I’m going to do this particular thing for you.

[brushoff]

Spoilsport.

[anti_altruisms]

Someone has to be.

[ Archer looks pointedly at Dorian and his…swimwear. ]

I’m sure Kirei has left the Enclosure by now so you can get back to whatever you had planned.

[brushoff]

Sunbathing! [ Dorian explains, with a grin. ] Granted, it's not the real sun, but I'd look horrible with a tan to begin with. I'll take what I can get.

[ A pause before, ]

Care to join me? Or watch. I'm not picky.

[anti_altruisms]

[ Ah, vanity. Something Archer has never understood. ]

I have somewhere else I need to be, actually.

[ That 'somewhere else' is his cabin because fighting Kirei does actually tire him out. ]

Another time, maybe.

[brushoff]

Another time eventually, [ Dorian corrects. ] Not maybe. I'll wear you down sooner or later, Archer.

[anti_altruisms]

[ Archer quirks an eyebrow at that. ]

I'm not going to be just another notch on someone else's bedpost, Dorian. You would do well to remember that.