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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[statementfuckingends]

"Other way around," Tim comments dryly. "He wouldn't have been such a good Archivist if he wasn't already like that. Jonathan Sims is, before any other thing, a big fucking nerd. I met him in Research, where he'd already been for years. That part of him that's a busybody that wants to know everything, all the time, forever? That was already very real."

[brushoff]

"That doesn't change the fact that he still did things that suggested he was slightly buying what the Eye was selling." Dorian points to himself with the hand that isn't holding a cigarette as he continues to talk, "If you want to fuck over the Ceaseless Watcher? Don't make friends with a blatant narcissist who's a supernatural buffet. I liked what he did as the Archivist and he knew it. So no, don't tell me that being the Archivist was the worst thing ever and poor Jon was just miserable all the time when he ran to me with open arms."

[statementfuckingends]

"'cos what do I know about supernatural bullshit, right?" He's trying not to get pissed but the dismissal is frustrating. "It's not like I didn't give him a statement about being an avatar of the End from one of the earliest floods I ever had. About how I know what it's like leaning into your entity and finding ways to please it. That I'm not the one who fucking told Jon to find ways to feed the Eye that didn't mean sacrificing himself."

He points at Dorian in a sharp jab. "And don't you dare try some pity-me ploy about how he didn't love you if he was willing to feed you to the Eye, because I know he would have fought you tooth and nail before he'd even consider letting you do that for him."

[brushoff]

Dorian finishes his second cigarette, stubbing it out on the floor, just blatantly littering. He takes a moment to take a breath before looking Tim dead on.

"Is that how you think? Oh, Dorian's being dramatic, Dorian just wants pity. Woe is him, go feel sorry for the immortal. I can count on one hand the number of people who give me the pity you think I crave and who don't treat me like the Barge's pet idiot."

[statementfuckingends]

"I think you're a fucking coward," he barks, a sharp snap of patience finally frayed. "Maybe stop brushing everything off and condescending everyone that tries to empathise with you!"

[brushoff]

"I know I'm a fucking coward!" Dorian snaps back. "I know that! And if you're trying to empathize with me, you're doing an amazingly shit job at it. You punched me in the face, Tim!"

[statementfuckingends]

"I warned you about hurting him!" he shoots back immediately. "Word for word I would punch you in the fucking face! And yet I'm still here, aren't I, I haven't just bloody well fucked off and given you the silent treatment over it! Because I still think you deserve the minimum fucking effort of a genuine explanation!"

[brushoff]

Dorian goes silent for a bit, obviously grappling between two different options. After a moment and a small huff, 'trying to de-escalate and not fucking off' wins out.

"Honestly, the biggest surprise is that you haven't punched me in the face before now. I'm not...it would have happened eventually. I'm good at hurting people and not good at lasting relationships."

[statementfuckingends]

Tim's temper always burns hot and fast, if he doesn't let it bank and turn into a seemingly-eternal grudge. So he settles quickly, letting Dorian find his words as he takes a moment to breathe through his own flared temper.

Not that he likes what he hears, but it's still a kind of progress. So he's calm when he replies.

"You make it sound like you come into a relationship expecting to fuck it up. That it's just, like. A matter of time. Inevitable."

[brushoff]

"Obviously," Dorian says, with a little shrug. "That's how it happens most of the time. Either I fuck it up or something happens to end it before I can fuck it up."

[statementfuckingends]

God, they really are a pair. Of idiots, but still.

"Look, I'm not gonna be trite and accuse you of not trying, when you're in one, but it seems an awful lot like you take relationships for granted, what with staring at the rug the entire time to see when it gets pulled out from under you."

[brushoff]

Dorian furrows his brow, obviously taking a bit of offense at that statement. "Of course I'm not taking them for granted. I just know that they won't last long. Might as well enjoy what I have when I have it before something happens."

[statementfuckingends]

"You know that's not helping your argument, right?" Dorian why are you like this. "Might as well not bother with relationships at all, if they're gonna crash and burn. Save yourself the effort."

[brushoff]

One hundred and fifty years old, multiple poor choices, being a huge fucking coward, and major trauma regarding his dead soulmate, baby!

"That's even more depressing than supposedly taking them for granted."

[statementfuckingends]

"Dunno," he hums. "Personally if I knew my partner was just waiting for the entire thing to go wrong, I wouldn't want to stick with them. Now I know Jon's never gonna pick that up, but he did notice how the only long-term plan you've made in earshot of him was with Pagan."

[brushoff]

Oh. Right. Dorian bites his lip slightly before deciding fuck it, he's tired, let's just tell Tim this because he'll probably end up telling Jon this later.

"And we're circling back to the point of how I'm a coward. I know what Jon's plans are when he leaves the ship. He's going to spend his time traveling and visiting everybody, bothering the friends he made here. And I know I can't do that. I'd much rather leave on a high note then spend the next few decades watching all my friends slowly age and die."

[statementfuckingends]

Hand gestures are coming into play now, emphatic rather than sharp but still displaying emotion he's trying to keep out of his voice.

"Yes, because he was telling you in his incredibly obtuse way that he would like you to come with him. You're not him, Dorian, you must have picked up on that!" He wants to shake the pair of you, he literally told you to use your words!! "At this point it's not even you being a coward, it's literally just you trying to orchestrate the relationship and cracking a wobbly because Jon's not playing along to the script!"

[brushoff]

"But I don't want to come with him!" Dorian points out, annoyance slipping into his voice. "I don't want that sort of life! I was planning to return back to my world after Trixie graduated and he knows it. With all that in mind, why would I want to join in on his cut-rate Doctor Who idea?"

He huffs, rolling his eyes before, "It's not orchestrating the relationship, it's thinking that the other person knows you well enough so that you don't have to outright say it. If Jon wanted me to come with him, he should have told me himself. Instead, he's doing what you just accused me of."

[statementfuckingends]

His hands come up to rub his temples. "Because you're both the exact same kind of idiot! It's honestly amazing you two didn't have a blow-up earlier, since neither of you seem at all capable of sitting the other one down and saying what you actually want! You both just assume that you know what the other wants and get mad when they don't!"

[brushoff]

He raises an eyebrow before pointing out, "You can't be saying that just sitting down and actually talking about it would be the best solution."

Yes. Yes, that's what he's saying.

[statementfuckingends]

Tim just.

Cups both hands over his face. Drags them down as he inhales, deeply so he can press his hands together in front of and against his mouth like a prayer, even looking skywards for a moment.

And then points both hands at Dorian.

"I am," he says, with a voice of unsettling calm, "This close to punching you again."

[brushoff]

Oh no. Oh he is saying that.

Christ.

Whoops.

"I'll ring Jon up so we can have a conversation sometime this week."

[statementfuckingends]

"Thank you." It's still a little exasperated but it's largely drowned out by the sheer relief that his point has been understood. "I'll let him know so he doesn't immediately hang up on you."

[brushoff]

"I'd appreciate that," Dorian sighs before going to light his third goddamn cigarette in the past fifteen minutes. Christ, he needs more nicotine.

[statementfuckingends]

Well, conversation successful, at any rate. Amazing what using your words got you.

Though there's no need for words as he pulls his own packet out of his pocket, keeping one cigarette for himself before he just offers the box to Dorian to replenish his clearly suffering supplies.