Not listening hurts him. I've been trying to do less of that lately. He's already pissed off at me for something else. I don't need to add to his stress.
[ There's a very long time before Dorian responds to this text. ]
A word of advice: if that's truly the case, then hold onto him no matter what. It's easy to lose one's soulmate and harder to recover from the loss.
[ He hates that he's being so nice but Dorian's got a big old bundle of issues in the form of dead vampire boyfriend. Jon's a pain (and Dorian still isn't sure this relationship might last) but he's a pain that doesn't deserve a round of crippling depression. ]
[It's such a genuine reply that Jon doesn't know quite what to do with it. Much as Elias' simple gratitude and admission of care for Jon's general well-being had wildly confused him.]
I've only ever killed one person, Dorian. He hurt Martin. He's the reason Martin's wrapped up in the Lonely. He kidnapped Martin into the Lonely, tried to brainwash him, and refused to answer my questions, so I ripped his mind and his head apart.
I don't intend to let anyone take him away from me again.
[Dead things can't fear. And there are so many things worse than death for the average person.]
I don't want to reach that point again. What I am doesn't go backwards easily. Every avatar I've ever known except for one has lost themselves to their patron. They're cold, cruel. Most of them delight in what they do. And they're happy to feed the Fear that feeds them.
Why would they want to go backwards? Once you get the idea in your head that you're different, you're better than most people, it's hard to go back. Might as well embrace your nature and all that it entails.
God, you sound like Helen. We're not better. I'm not better. If anything, we're worse. You get so removed from the normal things and you start forgetting how people actually work, how to act like a person, yourself. I've seen what that looks like from the outside. It's bad.
I didn't say that I was better. Just that I understand that line of thought. Though really, the best way to act like a person is to be around them. You can pick up on things to mimic that way. If I had to guess, I'd say your Helen doesn't do that.
[He's going to have to explain things for context. Ugh...]
Helen is the Distortion, an avatar for the Spiral. She became the Distortion a little while after I became the Archivist. Maybe if I'd been nicer to her? I don't know. Helen decided to stop caring about the people she hurt to feed. She did speak with my staff. And me. She's actually sort of an ally? I mean, she wants to kill me. Probably. But she'll wait for the right moment for it. And I knew Helen Richardson before she was Helen. She was one of my earliest Statements.
It gets complicated with avatars. Most of us started out as people. It's just a matter of not forgetting what we were. But it's always a choice to become this. A lot of people who choose it want it. So, I suppose it's easier for them to give up what they were before.
What would your intentions be? Some of them might just see you and decide to rearrange your bones and organs for fun. The Boneturner's always good for a trick there.
I could take that. I regrew my appendix twice. And my intentions would be just to learn. Obviously there's some sort of drama between you avatars if Helen wants to kill you. I don't want to be caught up in it. Of course, I'll probably end up caught in it anyway.
You realize the appendix is the one you could stand to lose, right?
If you want to just learn, observe, and watch, you'd certainly get picked out for a servant of the Beholding. Which would immediately net you a great many enemies, particularly those of the Dark and the Stranger. The Desolation to an extent, but that's a more... personal grudge against my predecessor by the relevant cult.
You're extremely unusual for the Corruption in my world. Those avatars delight in their filth and infestation. They don't try to palm it off to paintings.
Helen doesn't have any particular animosity toward me. She actually saved my life when the previous Distortion got... wrapped up in old grudges his vessel had. I say previous. It's really just a different persona and physical vessel for the same creature. Most of us with titles have that unfortunate distinction. I'm the Archivist. But I'm not the first, and I won't be the last.
I'm palming off the effects, not the actions. I am fully aware of how monstrous I am, I'd just rather not look at it. Besides, I love to buck convention.
If my options are Corruption or Beholding, then it's easily Corruption.
The Corruption hates everything. But probably... the Lonely? They're diametrically opposed in a way. The Corruption feeds on the need for love, gives its servants what they most crave. The Lonely is about taking away that love, the bitter emptiness.
Honestly, if you'd led in literally any other way than kissing me against a wall in a state, he'd probably be perfectly lovely to you. He's friendly with plenty of the people who have hurt me. I just never told him how or how many. It's better for him being able to make friends.
Not for lack of trying! You don't know what you're missing, Dominant. Whether it's sex or Statements, I've got so much potential that you seem intent on ignoring.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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My offer still stands. I'm willing to give my Statement if I get what I want in return.
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Martin said no. So, the answer is no.
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I've been trying to do less of that lately.
He's already pissed off at me for something else.
I don't need to add to his stress.
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Because, and I say this as kindly as possible, I suspect your entire existence adds to his stress.
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He makes me want to be human.
He's the one.
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A word of advice: if that's truly the case, then hold onto him no matter what. It's easy to lose one's soulmate and harder to recover from the loss.
[ He hates that he's being so nice but Dorian's got a big old bundle of issues in the form of dead vampire boyfriend. Jon's a pain (and Dorian still isn't sure this relationship might last) but he's a pain that doesn't deserve a round of crippling depression. ]
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I've only ever killed one person, Dorian.
He hurt Martin.
He's the reason Martin's wrapped up in the Lonely.
He kidnapped Martin into the Lonely, tried to brainwash him, and refused to answer my questions, so I ripped his mind and his head apart.
I don't intend to let anyone take him away from me again.
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Good. At least you know how far you'll go. I suspect you'll have to reach that point again some time here.
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I don't want to reach that point again.
What I am doesn't go backwards easily.
Every avatar I've ever known except for one has lost themselves to their patron.
They're cold, cruel.
Most of them delight in what they do.
And they're happy to feed the Fear that feeds them.
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Once you get the idea in your head that you're different, you're better than most people, it's hard to go back. Might as well embrace your nature and all that it entails.
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We're not better.
I'm not better.
If anything, we're worse.
You get so removed from the normal things and you start forgetting how people actually work, how to act like a person, yourself.
I've seen what that looks like from the outside.
It's bad.
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Though really, the best way to act like a person is to be around them. You can pick up on things to mimic that way.
If I had to guess, I'd say your Helen doesn't do that.
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Helen is the Distortion, an avatar for the Spiral.
She became the Distortion a little while after I became the Archivist.
Maybe if I'd been nicer to her?
I don't know.
Helen decided to stop caring about the people she hurt to feed.
She did speak with my staff.
And me.
She's actually sort of an ally?
I mean, she wants to kill me.
Probably.
But she'll wait for the right moment for it.
And I knew Helen Richardson before she was Helen.
She was one of my earliest Statements.
It gets complicated with avatars.
Most of us started out as people.
It's just a matter of not forgetting what we were.
But it's always a choice to become this.
A lot of people who choose it want it.
So, I suppose it's easier for them to give up what they were before.
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[ says the man who started out as a normal person, wanted to be different, and then happily gave up what he was in order to get it ]
It's a good thing I haven't run into any of your lot where I'm from. They might get confused about me and my intentions.
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Some of them might just see you and decide to rearrange your bones and organs for fun.
The Boneturner's always good for a trick there.
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And my intentions would be just to learn. Obviously there's some sort of drama between you avatars if Helen wants to kill you. I don't want to be caught up in it.
Of course, I'll probably end up caught in it anyway.
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If you want to just learn, observe, and watch, you'd certainly get picked out for a servant of the Beholding.
Which would immediately net you a great many enemies, particularly those of the Dark and the Stranger.
The Desolation to an extent, but that's a more... personal grudge against my predecessor by the relevant cult.
You're extremely unusual for the Corruption in my world.
Those avatars delight in their filth and infestation.
They don't try to palm it off to paintings.
Helen doesn't have any particular animosity toward me.
She actually saved my life when the previous Distortion got... wrapped up in old grudges his vessel had.
I say previous.
It's really just a different persona and physical vessel for the same creature.
Most of us with titles have that unfortunate distinction.
I'm the Archivist.
But I'm not the first, and I won't be the last.
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If my options are Corruption or Beholding, then it's easily Corruption.
Do they particularly hate anyone?
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But probably... the Lonely?
They're diametrically opposed in a way.
The Corruption feeds on the need for love, gives its servants what they most crave.
The Lonely is about taking away that love, the bitter emptiness.
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[ who has two thumbs and is scared of Martin, THIS GUY ]
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He got me out of it.
Without you.
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You don't know what you're missing, Dominant. Whether it's sex or Statements, I've got so much potential that you seem intent on ignoring.
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