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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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Comments

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

There are surely such things as sexy clouds.

[brushoff]

There's sexy everything. As long as there are university girls willing to dress like a slut during Halloween, there will be sexy Halloween costumes.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Then I hope to see you doing your slutty varsity best to give Sephiroth what he wants.

[brushoff]

[ he gives Elias a saucy wink ]

Though really, I'm saving my nonexistent cherry for one troublesome inmate—and it's not him.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I'm sure Envy would put out after a nice dinner and a little romancing.

[ that's clearly who dorian is after ]

[brushoff]

Ah yes, [ Dorian points out, with a little eyeball roll and then a smirk. ] Envy.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

There's something to be said for a man who can be anyone you'd like in bed.

[brushoff]

The problem here is, it's not the shape that matters, it's how you use it. And I know he would be a pathetic fuck.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Better or worse than Sephiroth?

[brushoff]

Hmmm...if I had to guess, worse? Though really, they're both probably still virgins, which is a disaster in it's own regard.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias, hands all floury, turns the dough out onto dorian's countertop, smiling to himself ]

Now, now. Everyone starts that way and we don't all have the advantage of attractive Lord Wottons or Romantic young poets to turn our eye.

[brushoff]

I'm allowed to have preferences! [ he teases. At the moment, Dorian isn't doing much work, instead allowing himself to smile and grin and joke with Elias. ]

I'd be boring as hell if I didn't.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias enjoys his control enough that he's happy to be doing all the work ]

Perhaps these poor young men are only boring because they're never been introduced to the wonders of licentiousness? Think of the service you'd be doing the barge if they suddenly found whole new avenues for stress relief which didn't involve murder or extravagant threats?

[brushoff]

Mmm, I am perfectly happy to lead people into depravity, [ Dorian smirks. ] The problem is that they need to be worth it. If I ruined every repressed little virgin that came across my path, I'd have no time for myself.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias tuts amused ]

What kind of warden even are you, Dorian?

[brushoff]

I ask myself that question every single day, [ he teases, expertly hiding the fact that he really does ask that question every single day, good God what is he doing here, one day the Admiral will wise up and realize he made a mistake. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias, who has never had problems with self-doubt, doesnt think to listen for it. rather he begins to lay out the scones on the tray, ready for the over ]

But for now, I suppose, Sephiroth and Envy are safe from your tender ministrations.

[brushoff]

They are, [ Dorian nods. ] And fortunately for them, I doubt they'll ever become interesting enough for me to ignore my current interests.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

To my benefit.

[brushoff]

Enjoy it while you have the chance. I'm notoriously fickle, after all.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

You wouldn't happen to accept fresh baking in exchange for another week of favours?

[brushoff]

Mmm, for most people? No. But you're different.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

You ought to know there are length even I won't stoop to earn your favour. Get the oven door for me, won't you?

[brushoff]

Of course. [ And Dorian hops away from his perch of watching and not doing a damn thing to open the door up for Elias. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias, a baking tray in each hand, raises his eyebrows ]

They key to a good scone is speed, Mr. Gray.