brushoff | tlv ic contact

Absolutely not, [ said without any hesitation. ]

I just have no idea what the hell to say. To any of you.

Well, Dorian, you should probably start with a goodbye.

Or am I just like the others?

Oh shut up. You're better than the others and you know it.

[ a pause before, ] I know you've got your island. But pay me a visit before you go there, alright? I'll miss you.

Will you at least come see me before you leave?

Of course. Are you in your room right now?

For the moment, yes.

[ And a few minutes later, there's a knock on Pagan's door. ]

Pagan opens it, clearly not prepared for guests in cloth pants a t-shirt. But Dorian isn't a guest, so he ushers him inside. "Come on," he says, a bit solemn.

Oh. Yeah, he can tell that tone of voice. Dorian is a little aware that A. he might be in the doghouse and B. poor Pagan is definitely going through something.

"I'm sorry I'm an idiot," he sighs, closing the door behind them.

He nods. "I know you are, Dorian. I know." He reaches up and scrubs his fingers through his hair. "Honestly, it's my fault. I thought - well...."

"Say it?" he quietly asks. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"I thought we meant something, Dorian. That's all."

He walks into his kitchen. "But then I realized - you're just full of shit. All that talk about everything, all of the chatting about the future?"

He tsks. "Bullshit."

Dorian can't help but bristle for a moment before he points out,

"I've always been upfront that I'm going to leave this place. People like Lark, Iris, those people who stay here for years on end? I can't stand them. And I've made no secret that I wasn't going to be that sort of person. It's not my fault that you didn't listen."

"Oh I'm not talking about here, you idiot," he says, but manages to keep any anger out of his voice. "I'm talking about after. I'm here for Misty, and then I'm leaving. I knew you would try and go after Trixie. I'm not that delusional."

"So?" Dorian frowns. "You're mad that what, I'm not going back with you to your island?"

He pauses for a moment, sighing, before he continues. "Who knows. Maybe I'll end up there later. But there are things I have to do back home first—things that could put me in danger if I don't get them done quickly."

"No, Dorian. Godammit."

He turns, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Am I important to you? Right now? In this fucking moment? Or was it all just talk? That's what I want to know."

"You are," he says, without hesitation. "Which...I suppose is why I took so long. I don't know how to say goodbye. Not like this."

But the little guilty tone in his voice says that Dorian is acutely aware that you don't say goodbye by just fucking off.

"Oh, I am? Ah. I see. Because you sure as fuck don't show it, Dorian."

He leans against the counter.

"Oh come on. We might talk about the future but we both know I'm just your backup when Kiryu's busy," he points out, slipping more and more into a defensive little tone.

"And anyway, you'd be doing the same if Misty graduated before Trixie."

"My backup."

He takes a moment to blink at him. "Is that really what you think you are?"

It is. Dorian still frowns as he points out,

"Men like me may talk about the future, but we know we're never going to be the ones who have a happy ever after."

"Men like us," he counters. "But I at least thought you might want to give it a chance."

He moves from the counter over to Dorian and places hands on his shoulders.

There's a long pause before Dorian admits,

"I do. If we somehow find each other again once Misty's graduated, I'd like to give it a shot."

That isn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but it's close enough. Enough that Pagan's content to be finished fighting and just kiss him.

Dorian leans in, kissing Pagan back as passionately as he can. Christ, how he'll miss this man.

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