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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[epistemological]

[ That gets a more genuinely amused chuckle.]

Oh, I'm well aware of that, Dorian. I know how he sees things. And I wasn't-

I wasn't actually saying I want that. That I want to be human. That there's something wrong with not being human.

I'm saying...

I don't... know what I'm going to do. Because once I get my deal, and I have to get it, that- I'd never dream of not getting it... that is... that is what I will be. Without that connection, I'm physically human.

But my insides... aren't. Haven't been.

It's... something I've been struggling with.

[brushoff]

No matter what happens, I suspect you'll do the same thing you always do, [ Dorian muses. ] Wake up the next day and decide to try your best.

[epistemological]

Yes, well, it would help if my best weren't constantly fucking it up, hmm?

[ He closes his eyes again. ]

[brushoff]

Constantly fucking things up isn't something unique to the Jonathan Sims of the world, [ Dorian dryly responds. ] Everybody does that as well.

[epistemological]

Yes, but I'm the only me, as it were. I'm allowed to dislike it.

[brushoff]

You're the only you so far. I'm certain your world has a Dorian Gray who's already one of those Entity's bitch. Why shouldn't my world have a Jonathan Sims who's lived a normal, day to day, peaceful sort of life?

[epistemological]

I know of exactly one other Jonathan Sims. He has most certainly not lived a normal, day-to-day life.

Because Jonathan Sims would lose his bloody mind if he tried to.

[brushoff]

Once you've had a taste of these things, it's hard to go back.

[epistemological]

Quite a lot of people want desperately to go back.

I was just... never one of them.

[brushoff]

One of the many reasons I adore you. I don't want anyone safe. Safe is dull, I've had a hundred years to be safe. I want someone who can match me for what I am.

[epistemological]

[ There's a very wry smile on his face. ]

So I'm a well-matched purse, am I?

[brushoff]

You're a perfect fit. And don't you forget it.

[epistemological]

[ His eyes slip closed before he asks- ]

So how awkward about the, er, lack of sex are you feeling, exactly?

[brushoff]

[ There's a small pause before, ]

I won't lie. It is a bit awkward. Normally I'm able to convince people to...overlook their hesitancy. [ aka Dorian absolutely thought that he could convince Jon to fuck him anyway. ]

I'm also not going to lie: I really like sex. I'm perfectly fine cuddling you and giving you a massage all you want, but I would like to find someone who I can manage to jack off every now and then.

[epistemological]

[ He turns a little on the bed. ]

I know who I got into this bed with, Dorian. I'm hardly expecting monogamy.

[ He rests no one hand with his cheek against his palm. ]

I'm perfectly happy to take care of you. I do enjoy giving in that respect. And I'm certainly not morally opposed to anything, I just-

[ He shakes his head. ]

The, er, equipment works, as it were. It's just... awkward and sex doesn't really... arouse me. Most partners find it disheartening to get to me and find I'm not even half hard and it just makes the whole thing unpleasant.

[brushoff]

[ 'Sex doesn't arouse him.' In Dorian's mind, that's a challenge. He's keeping this to himself though as he nods. ]

You know, if sex doesn't arouse you, there are plenty of other things we can try that might work. Technically speaking, you can easily get someone off without actually fucking them.

[epistemological]

...I don't like pain either, for reference. Despite the lack of damage. I-in case that's where you were going.

[brushoff]

I mean it doesn't have to be pain, [ Dorian points out, like it's the most obvious thing ever. ]

It could be...I don't know, sensations. Being tied up. The chill of an ice cube running down your spine.

[epistemological]

...maybe?

[ He doesn't look opposed just unsure. Except for- ]

Not being tied up. Or blindfolded. T-too too many kidnappings for that to hold any appeal.

[brushoff]

[ He nods. He can do that much, that's good. ]

What about wax? Or...hmm, we could do something with a lighter sensation. Feathers, maybe.

[epistemological]

[ There's a bit of a twitch at the mention of wax. ]

N-not wax, i-if-if you please. [ He considers. ] A-and feathers might... might feel a bit like bugs.

[ A pause as he thinks it over. ]

I'm not sure physical sensation is, um, necessarily the way to go. Considering.

[brushoff]

[ There's a pause before, ]

Right, just to get this out of the way, is there something that exists in the world that you haven't been tortured with?

[ He loves you Jon but goddamn this is getting ridiculous. ]

[epistemological]

[ The amount of time it takes before he gives Dorian a rather awkward look and slooooowly shakes his head. ]

[brushoff]

[ Dorian is hit with the conflicting feelings of 'oh god no that's pathetic' and 'that's so sad I can fix him' ]

Okay then. Physical sensations are right out. We can start with...I don't know, praise kink or something verbal instead.

[epistemological]

...I wouldn't really call it a kink, per se. I mean, I enjoy knowing I did a good job. It was very nice seeing you enjoy things earlier...