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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[brushoff]

[ Dorian simply rolls his eyes right back at Johann before continuing on mixing the drinks. Oddly enough, he does have a little bit of schnapps—though really, that blackberry is probably quite old, Dorian rarely drinks the stuff. Two vodka tonics, a little blackberry schnapps, one gin and tonic, added lemon.

He veeeeeery carefully carries all three drinks into the living room with a, ] Johann, grab yours before I drop them.

[a_titanum]

[ Given Florian had been sitting on him, he decides it to be much easier for him to slip up and walk over, the gloves on his hands brushing lightly against Dorian's as he retrieves his own and Johann's. Johann's is passed to him before he sits on him again.

He's more interested in the drink than talking.]

[monsterjohann]

[Johann leans his chin on Florian's shoulder before he drinks.]

Mmm, have you been enjoying the bugs, Dorian? I hardly see a difference in you.

[brushoff]

That's because this sort of thing doesn't affect me like others! [ Dorian grins. ] What's this flood anyway, loosening impulses? Saying what you think? I do all that shit on a daily basis anyway.

[a_titanum]

I'm enjoying it, but I know at the end, I'm going to be rather unhappy.

[ He sips at his drink, frowns, then sips again. A quick nod at Dorian. Not bad. ]

[monsterjohann]

Of course you will be.

[Dorian gets a laugh.]

You know, that'd why I like you, Herr Gray. I don't have to read into the shit you say.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian preens a little. ]

I will admit, I do try to put up the image of an enigmatic monster who nobody knows and doesn't give a fuck. I don't like it when people know me. But you're my inmate. It's stupid to put up an image with you because we're going to end up baring our souls to each other thanks to some damn flood sooner rather than later.

[ a pause before, ] And since you're a package deal, might as well stop trying to put up an image around you, Florian. You're more than welcome to swing by my place and drink yourself to death once the flood is finished, if you want.

[a_titanum]

I'm more likely to hole up in a closet or something and try to starve myself to death but it's a lovely offer, Herr Gray.

[ He turns to Johann then. ]

Does he know, Johann? That he has two monsters here with him? A full set of three then.

[monsterjohann]

He thinks he does, but Herr Gray has an awful tendency to think he is the worst monster of the lot.

[He doesn't mind Florian's answer to what will happen later; it seems right. He'll probably care about that later.]

[brushoff]

I'm older than both of you put together. I'm worse by default.

[a_titanum]

That is not how anything works, Herr Gray. How much have you had before I got here?

[monsterjohann]

This is exactly what I mean.

[Johann takes a drink with a laugh.]

There's no reasoning with him.

[brushoff]

Shall I list off my crimes? [ he giggles. ] I don't mind talking about myself.

[a_titanum]

I would put money that it is your favorite thing. But do go on.

[monsterjohann]

[He groans deeply, but it's mostly for show.]

Now you've done it.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian laughs brightly before, ]

Honestly, the fact that I've got a book written about how much of a prick I am puts me ahead of you two. You might have more grandiose ideas, but considering how you both bit it before said grandiose ideas were enacted, I think my long history of practical results trumps yours.

[ He takes a sip of his drink before continuing, ] I've driven quite a lot of people to suicide. Axe murdered an old woman, that part wasn't fun. Oooh, I drugged this interdimensional rock star thing so the crowd literally tore him apart. Murdered three people so that I could come back to life. I'm not sure if the sentient appendix monster counts as me per se, but considering it was my appendix that helped power the damn thing, I'll count it.

[ He will go on for ages unless stopped. ]

[a_titanum]

[ He has done it. And despite having taken Dorian off of the active enemies list, he wants to hear more. More information always better. Besides, he's got plenty of experience listening to long-winded assholes he doesn't like quite as much about things much more boring.

Nope, not stopping him. ]

[monsterjohann]

[If Florian wants to sit through more Dorian nonsense, then Johann will too. He drinks deeply and leans back on the couch.]

Some of that shit doesn't make sense.

[brushoff]

What shit? Ask questions and I'll give you answers.

[a_titanum]

I think I can piece most of it together, but do go on, Johann.

[monsterjohann]

What the fuck is an appendix monster?

[brushoff]

A monster partially made from my appendix.

[ duh, Johann ]

[a_titanum]

...you realize that hardly provides description or characterization. It's practically an invitation to ask more.

[monsterjohann]

[Johann groans.]

I don't know what an appendix fucking is.

[brushoff]

[ Oh no, it's almost like by casually mentioning something without much context, it gives him an invitation to talk more about himself.

Who could have planned this. ]

Your appendix is a vestigial organ attached to the large intestine. Most of the time it hangs out in your body, not doing much, but occasionally it bursts and you have to have it removed. Most people have it removed only when it bursts, but if you lie properly and say the right things, you can have your appendix removed as a preventative measure.

Back in the 90s, I was terribly depressed and didn't want to feel anything. I had my appendix removed so that I could go to the hospital and get the good drugs. That was the second time I had my appendix removed—same hospital and everything. Anyway, while I was recovering from the surgery and feeling absolutely wonderful, that's when a nurse and I discovered a monster stalking the hospital halls.