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"Hello. This is Dorian Gray's cellphone. I can't talk right now. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[ certain threads in this post contain nsfw content (sex, blood, violence, etc.) so, you know, don't read them where Gramma can look over your shoulder. just kind of a blanket trigger warning for gore & body horror as well ]

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[A long pause. Very long. So lengthy it almost seems like maybe he's hung up until...]

I can't do this anymore.

[ that...is not what Dorian wants to hear. So there's a pause before he speaks. ]

What? [ he's said that like three times already. But Dorian can't think of what else to say. ] Surely you're joking.

Joking?

[He's not. He wishes he were, wishes this weren't necessary, but he needs to keep Dorian away.]

You know I'm not.

This...this has got to be a phase or something. Just sleep on it, we'll talk in the morning.

[ because he can't be joking. ]

[You're going to make him be cruel, aren't you? You're going to make him be ugly?

Fine.]

A phase?

[Still strained, but now also so very, very cold.]

You were the phase.

[ that cuts Dorian to the quick more than anything else. ]

No. No, you can't be serious.

[Of course he's not serious. At least, he's not serious about Dorian being a phase. He'd have dropped the other man like hot coals after killing him if that were the case. It isn't as though he couldn't have made an excuse if he'd wanted to. But he didn't. Instead, he'd held on. He'd reveled in the changes he was seeing in Dorian...changes he felt he'd been responsible for bringing about.

It had been intoxicating.]

Don't be daft, Dorian. It's unsightly.

[But he can't allow himself to linger on those thoughts now, on the feelings he's...begun to harbor. If he does, he might have to kill Dorian again.

Before the other man attempts to kill him.]

There is...nothing more that I want from you. Nothing. It's over between us.

[ Dorian's mind is a mixture of emotion. Perhaps the most obvious one is 'you can't break up with me'. And then there's him wondering why Yuri's doing this, why this is so sudden, just what the hell is happening. And deep down, under everything, there's sadness. Lots of sadness because he could have loved Yuri. No, he did love Yuri. And now he was being treated like this.

That sadness was getting overruled by anger. ]

Fine. You know what? I don't care. I can easily have others instead of you—in fact, I had others while we were together. [ Well. He had Dio. ] I'm Dorian Gray, I can easily do better than some middle-aged tightwad desperately looking to reclaim his youth.

How very Wilde of you, Dorian.

[In the sense that your reaction is predictable to him. You're known for lashing out when you've been hurt. So this retaliation of yours? This little tantrum you're throwing because your precious pride can't stand the idea of rejection? Hardly makes a dent. Yuri sees it for what it truly is: a desperate attempt to bury deep that which hurts.

Good. Bury it so deep you forget. And leave him in peace. It will be better for the both of you.]

Try...not to slip back into your old habits.

[ He chuckles darkly, still seething, still trying to smother the pain and sadness in his voice, trying to replace it with sheer rage ]

It's no use trying to be concerned. We both know you're incapable of that.

[Silence. Thick and heavy, apart from the quietest exhale which is then followed by...]

You don't know what I'm capable of at all.

Well, I suppose that makes two of us. Because then you'd know that I'm not someone you just dump like this—and over the phone for fuck's sake, you didn't even have the decency to say this to my face.

[ seriously dude. party foul. ]

If I [was physically capable of saying it to your face right now] thought you were worth going to those lengths for...I might have.

But I don't. Because you're not.

Everyone's had you, isn't that right? That means...you're nothing special.

[ insulting his ego = YEAH, IT'S WORKING ON MAKING HIM MAD. ]

We both know how special I am. And we both know that I'm the best you're going to get, probably even better than you deserve! And yet I still— [ nope, he's biting it back, not gonna tell Yuri he loves him, not here, not now, not like this, he's not going to give him the satisfaction ]

[...the absence of certain words speaks louder, sometimes.

And hurts a lot more.

...a lot more than it should.]

If you deserve better, Dorian, don't let me keep you.

[Or do. If only for a few minutes longer.

You can spit obscenities at him all you like for the next few minutes. He's content just listening to you.]

[ That's the thing, though. Dorian knows exactly what he deserves. He doesn't deserve anything close to love, anything close to what he and Yuri had.

And yet somehow, he knows that this is different than him and Kate. He feels that this is his fault, it's got to be his fault, how can it be Yuri's fault? ]

There's a difference between deserving and wanting. [ siiigh ] This...dammit Yuri, I'm not going to let it end like this.

You don't seem to understand. I'm not giving you a choice.

And you don't seem to understand, I'm not letting you have the last word.

[Silence again.

During which Yuri reminds himself of something Dorian said: he doesn't deserve this. He wants it, that little slice of normalcy being with Dorian offers him, but that's precisely why he doesn't deserve it.

He hasn't atoned. He's still just a monster acting in the name of justice.

Speaking of which...he could have the last word. If he really wanted. But he knows that would drive Dorian to find him and he cannot have that.

...although he almost wants it. It would be preferred to the company of his hallucinations and the whispers of an old and vacant office building. Might even permit him the chance to answer for what he's done?]

I...

[ after what seems like an eternity, Dorian responds. His words are quiet, hushed, and yet underneath it all, he's just bursting at the seams with emotion and conflicting feelings and pain. So much pain and he hates it. ]

You what?

...I just want to say goodbye.

[ another long pause before. ] Yuri, I...please don't do this to me.

[He considers his options.

He could tell Dorian the truth. From the very beginning of his charade, to the point when it ceased being an act altogether. He could tell him that he's Lunatic, that he's the one responsible for having burned him alive...

Or he could withhold the truth and simply ask him to come to him. But that would mean explaining his condition. And his scars. It would mean more lies. But it would also mean more Dorian, and if there's one thing Yuri knows with certainty, it's that Petrov men are good at hurting the ones they love.

...or he could just. Hang up. There'd be no awful consequences for Dorian that way. Only for himself. But can he be so selfless?

The answer is...no.]

I want to see you.

[...]

But I'm going to hurt you if I do. I...don't think there's any way to avoid that.

I can take it, [ Dorian says, without hesitation, without waiting. Because he can. He knows that Yuri isn't talking physically, though he could easily take that. But Dorian was banking on this. He was banking on the fact that no matter what happened, no matter what Yuri told him, it couldn't be worse than what he had experienced.

It couldn't be worse than that day in 1986, sitting by the ocean with Toby, watching his love die, turning to dust in the sunset. Nothing could be worse than that. ]

I want to see you also.

[If he says it, he really is...]

Maurtia Falls.

[...a sinner through and through.]

Re: audio!

brushoff - 2015-01-26 04:37 (UTC) - Expand

audio!

purgation - 2015-01-26 04:41 (UTC) - Expand

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