Then I suppose it was worth it in the end, [ Dorian muses. He's a bit lost in thought, thinking of Jon's rib, thinking of the idea about meeting someone powerful enough to rip bones from your body, thinking about all the sorts of nasty things with that power could do to Jon—or hell, even to him.
And thinking about how he's got to uphold his end of the deal and what sort of move he'll take next. ]
It was smart of you to choose a rib. If I had to take a guess, I'd say that bones don't...grow the way that organs do.
I mean, I've had to regrow bones before. They've gotten shattered and broken. But I haven't had to regrow an entire bone that was forcefully removed from my body the way yours was.
[ There's a decided emphasis on that as Dorian gestures towards Jon's rib. Because seriously, that's strange. Even for Dorian 'I've seen so much bullshit in my life' Gray, that's a little odd. ]
[ Dorian pauses for a moment, as if collecting himself. He takes a deep breath before placing his hands at his side. ]
I know you said that no one else would see the written Statement, but honestly? I don't know if I trust you on that. I want this to remain a secret, Jon, and the more places it's written down, the more people can learn about it.
[ It's already going to be on that tape recorder. Dorian doesn't think there's anything he can do about it. But he can tell Jon the story instead of giving it to him. That should be enough.
What's one more round of horrific nightmares compared to what he's already got? Dorian can handle it. He hopes. ]
So I'm going to tell you it instead. This is the story of Dorian Gray and the last time I encountered Lucifer himself.
But then, why else would a tape recorder have turned up and clicked on? It knows.]
Stop. Stop! Stop... I- the nightmares. That's- you will have nightmares about this. For the rest of our mutual existence. Do you actually want that?
[The Archivist wants this. It's taking a great deal of willpower at the moment to say anything, and some of his protests may be a bit undercut by how hungrily he's staring at Dorian.]
[ Dorian also wants this. His eyes light up with excitement as he sees Jon stare at him. After the confusion of the time after the storm, when he was sick with...something, it's reassuring to see that he can still be wanted in such a manner even when everyone's themselves.
Of course, then Jon has to go and open his mouth and try to stop him. ]
Jon, when I say that I don't want anybody else to know about this, I mean I don't want anybody else to know about this. [ Dorian snaps, doing a terrible job of hiding his irritation. Of course, that begs the question as to why he'd tell Jon about it in the first place. ]
I've already got nightmares thanks to you and to my own choices. I can stand another.
[He flinches visibly at the mention of already having nightmares. He knows that's the case, but the guilt claws at his insides.]
No one will- No one else has to-
[Jon starts patting his pockets down, looking for his phone. He should call Martin, ask him to confirm that this is okay. Dorian is offering it. This wasn't what he'd expected to get in trade for his own story. His phone seems to be missing, though. Where did it- Ah, he'd dropped it.
In spite of the fact that he needs to keep looking, Jon just continues to gaze at Dorian, leaning in a little toward him, eyes unblinking.]
Do you actually want to tell me this story?
[There's power laced through that question, a demand for truth from those beautiful lips.]
I do. [ He says, without hesitation. Dorian finds himself talking, out and out compelled as Dorian meets Jon's gaze with his own. ] I really don't want Blackwood to learn about this. He already thinks I'm a villain—the last thing I need is to give him more ammunition.
[ Which naturally means that Martin's going to learn about this at some point. Dorian doesn't seem to realize that, though. ]
Besides, I like the idea of being in your mind. It means you'll never be rid of me.
Martin's not wrong. You-you're awful. You're like one of the avatars in my Archives.
[He's especially like one of them with that last line.]
It- You didn't tell me you were going to do this. I thought you were just giving me something written.
[He's not actually telling the other man to stop, though, and the effort to resist when Dorian is there just offering himself on a silver platter is wearing him down. This is the point where he should really call Martin.]
[ He's been called worse things than awful. Though he's not sure whether to be flattered or disgusted by that avatar comparison. For all the joking that Dorian's made about where he fits in those Powers, it's a bit different to hear it directly from Jon. ]
Honestly, I was just planning on giving you the written statement. But then, after a very stressful week, you ring me up just to say 'by the way, might want to start looking for someone else.' We've still got a month left, Jon! You can't get rid of me that easily.
[ It doesn't matter that they haven't really done anything. It doesn't matter that their Dominant and Submissive relationship is just the bare minimum. What matters is that Jon seems all too eager to pawn him off on someone else and Dorian just hates that. ]
We don't even like each other. Why would you want to stay with me? Spite?
[Good. Yes, good. Argument. He could distract himself from need screaming from his chest for that Statement with a good argument.]
I was pre-empting you trying to lie about anything. Because you seem like the sort. Good. Make sure you talk to them about contract terms so you're ready for the shift. I already see you in your nightmares. Why would you want to double that?
Of course I like you! [ Dorian snaps. ] Why else do I keep writing out those bloody Statements? If I didn't like you, I wouldn't even give you the time of day!
[ It's just that there's a vast difference between 'like as a friend' and 'like as a curiosity that he wants to figure out.' Dorian seethes for a bit: he can tell that his voice is rising and he knows he should take a moment to try and calm down. After all, they are still in a library. ]
And I want to double that because I want to see how you look at me when I give you the best Statement you'll ever get. I remember how you looked at me the last time I brought Lucifer up. You want this.
[Well, now he's confused, and it doubtlessly shows in his expression. Because 'I like you as an interesting toy to pick apart' isn't something that crosses Jon's mind. Not with Dorian, specifically.]
You want me to look at you like I want to eat you?
[He assumes that's more or less how he looks.]
Because that's what's happening here, Dorian. We're not having a chat, I'm feeding on you. Your horror. Collecting another piece of you for the Watcher. People aren't supposed to want that!
It doesn't look like you want to eat me, [ he grumbles. Or at least, it's not entirely like Jon wants to eat him. Dorian pauses for a moment as he tries to find a way to explain himself. ]
When you look at me, it's like I'm the most interesting person in the world. Even earlier, when I first mentioned giving a verbal statement, you looked at me with nothing but want in your eyes. That's what I want.
Statements are food to the Archivist, Dorian. [Maybe he hadn't made this clear?] I get sick and weak without them. I'm interested, yes. Academically. This is my job. But I'm looking at you like that because the Watcher is- because it- I- um...
[This is not the moment to have an identity crisis.]
B-because the Archivist needs you. Stories like yours.
I'm trying to protect you from it! [He can't help slamming a hand down flat on the table in frustration.] From-from me! Christ! What is wrong with you? This is why Martin- Why he stopped me last time. I can't- I don't...
[He doesn't want to turn the other man way. He wants what the other man is offering so badly, trying to resist a monstrous nature.]
[ This is a role Dorian's found himself playing many times throughout his life. The tempter, the corrupter, a man who could take someone and just ruin anything good inside them. He feels himself step back into old habits like stepping into an old pair of shoes as the conversation shifts and Dorian finds himself less in the role of 'justifying his interest in Jon' and more in the role of 'shoulder devil.' ]
You keep making these protestations and yet you agreed to meet me here, alone, knowing full well who I am and what I might do, while looking at me like that. You're tempted. And the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
[ don't mind Dorian as he quotes part of The Picture of Dorian Gray like an absolute jackass ]
[There's quiet fury in Jon's voice and for just a moment, his form is one of eyes and void like the nightmares. He can remember the conversations with Daisy, talking her down. 'Don't listen to the blood, listen to the quiet.' But it's not his blood singing. It's not a burning, prickling sensation in his skin like Jude. Or maybe a stomach-dropping sensation for Mike. His mind cries out for the knowledge. Curiosity that's his own and something else's intermixed, bound so tightly he can't tell where the human ends and the Archivist's instincts start. Or if there's any difference anymore.]
I want... I want your Statement. That doesn't mean I should- I can't. I need to be more human. For Martin. We talked about this. Every time I give into it, a piece of that goes away.
[He's starving and Dorian's kind of Statement would be a perfect meal. Something like this, a verbal one, it would fill him up for at least a day or two. He'd be in a better place to be supportive of his boyfriend.]
[ That brief glimpse of something that's Jon and yet entirely not Jon is just so tantalizing. He knows what he should be doing: he should be reassuring Jon that no, he's still human enough, you'll be able to hold onto Martin, things will be fine. But that brief glimpse of eyes and void tells Dorian that no, he's not going to do what he should, he's going to continue to try and push this.
Besides, Jon can still be together with Martin even if he's a horrifying eye monster that feeds on information, right? Maybe? ]
It doesn't matter what you want, [ Dorian says, with a little wave of his hand, straight up ignoring Jon's question to him. ] Do you think the cancer patient wanted his disease? What matters is that you deal with the hand you're dealt.
Besides, you tried to chop off your finger and let this...'Boneturner' take out two of your ribs. The more we talk, the less it seems you're trying to hold onto your humanity in the first place.
"You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see."
Except a cancer patient doesn't have a choice in what happened to them. Jon has had every opportunity to turn back, to turn away from this, his nature. But he rarely has.]
That was to save someone. Daisy was trapped. I had to get her out.
[Except he hadn't had to do anything. Basira had told him not to. He'd jumped head first into that coffin as much to alleviate his own sense of uselessness, helplessness, as anything else. And it had played directly into Elias' hands. Jon covers his face.
He's breaking. He's going to break and give into this. He should have told Martin, regardless of what Dorian wants. A part of him had always known this was a possibility, and he'd come anyway.]
I just want to help people... If I have these powers then, I- What's the point of them--[of him existing as this horrible creature]--if I... don't?
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Indescribably. But it did what it needed to.
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And thinking about how he's got to uphold his end of the deal and what sort of move he'll take next. ]
It was smart of you to choose a rib. If I had to take a guess, I'd say that bones don't...grow the way that organs do.
[ There is DEFINITELY a story behind this. ]
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[And speaking of, there's one sitting on the table now. It's unclear when it arrived there, but Jon certainly hadn't taken one out.]
You've mentioned your regenerative abilities. You've not had to regrow bones?
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[ There's a decided emphasis on that as Dorian gestures towards Jon's rib. Because seriously, that's strange. Even for Dorian 'I've seen so much bullshit in my life' Gray, that's a little odd. ]
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It's not something I've missed. And far better than losing a finger, on the whole.
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[ Is he mostly talking about body horror to delay him talking about the Devil? Got it in one. ]
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[Jon stares pointedly at where he knows it's waiting.]
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[ Dorian pauses for a moment, as if collecting himself. He takes a deep breath before placing his hands at his side. ]
I know you said that no one else would see the written Statement, but honestly? I don't know if I trust you on that. I want this to remain a secret, Jon, and the more places it's written down, the more people can learn about it.
[ It's already going to be on that tape recorder. Dorian doesn't think there's anything he can do about it. But he can tell Jon the story instead of giving it to him. That should be enough.
What's one more round of horrific nightmares compared to what he's already got? Dorian can handle it. He hopes. ]
So I'm going to tell you it instead. This is the story of Dorian Gray and the last time I encountered Lucifer himself.
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But then, why else would a tape recorder have turned up and clicked on? It knows.]
Stop. Stop! Stop... I- the nightmares. That's- you will have nightmares about this. For the rest of our mutual existence. Do you actually want that?
[The Archivist wants this. It's taking a great deal of willpower at the moment to say anything, and some of his protests may be a bit undercut by how hungrily he's staring at Dorian.]
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Of course, then Jon has to go and open his mouth and try to stop him. ]
Jon, when I say that I don't want anybody else to know about this, I mean I don't want anybody else to know about this. [ Dorian snaps, doing a terrible job of hiding his irritation. Of course, that begs the question as to why he'd tell Jon about it in the first place. ]
I've already got nightmares thanks to you and to my own choices. I can stand another.
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No one will- No one else has to-
[Jon starts patting his pockets down, looking for his phone. He should call Martin, ask him to confirm that this is okay. Dorian is offering it. This wasn't what he'd expected to get in trade for his own story. His phone seems to be missing, though. Where did it- Ah, he'd dropped it.
In spite of the fact that he needs to keep looking, Jon just continues to gaze at Dorian, leaning in a little toward him, eyes unblinking.]
Do you actually want to tell me this story?
[There's power laced through that question, a demand for truth from those beautiful lips.]
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[ Which naturally means that Martin's going to learn about this at some point. Dorian doesn't seem to realize that, though. ]
Besides, I like the idea of being in your mind. It means you'll never be rid of me.
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[He's especially like one of them with that last line.]
It- You didn't tell me you were going to do this. I thought you were just giving me something written.
[He's not actually telling the other man to stop, though, and the effort to resist when Dorian is there just offering himself on a silver platter is wearing him down. This is the point where he should really call Martin.]
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[ He's been called worse things than awful. Though he's not sure whether to be flattered or disgusted by that avatar comparison. For all the joking that Dorian's made about where he fits in those Powers, it's a bit different to hear it directly from Jon. ]
Honestly, I was just planning on giving you the written statement. But then, after a very stressful week, you ring me up just to say 'by the way, might want to start looking for someone else.' We've still got a month left, Jon! You can't get rid of me that easily.
[ It doesn't matter that they haven't really done anything. It doesn't matter that their Dominant and Submissive relationship is just the bare minimum. What matters is that Jon seems all too eager to pawn him off on someone else and Dorian just hates that. ]
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[Good. Yes, good. Argument. He could distract himself from need screaming from his chest for that Statement with a good argument.]
I was pre-empting you trying to lie about anything. Because you seem like the sort. Good. Make sure you talk to them about contract terms so you're ready for the shift. I already see you in your nightmares. Why would you want to double that?
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[ It's just that there's a vast difference between 'like as a friend' and 'like as a curiosity that he wants to figure out.' Dorian seethes for a bit: he can tell that his voice is rising and he knows he should take a moment to try and calm down. After all, they are still in a library. ]
And I want to double that because I want to see how you look at me when I give you the best Statement you'll ever get. I remember how you looked at me the last time I brought Lucifer up. You want this.
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You want me to look at you like I want to eat you?
[He assumes that's more or less how he looks.]
Because that's what's happening here, Dorian. We're not having a chat, I'm feeding on you. Your horror. Collecting another piece of you for the Watcher. People aren't supposed to want that!
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When you look at me, it's like I'm the most interesting person in the world. Even earlier, when I first mentioned giving a verbal statement, you looked at me with nothing but want in your eyes. That's what I want.
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[This is not the moment to have an identity crisis.]
B-because the Archivist needs you. Stories like yours.
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If you need me, Archivist, then stop turning me away.
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[He doesn't want to turn the other man way. He wants what the other man is offering so badly, trying to resist a monstrous nature.]
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You keep making these protestations and yet you agreed to meet me here, alone, knowing full well who I am and what I might do, while looking at me like that. You're tempted. And the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
[ don't mind Dorian as he quotes part of The Picture of Dorian Gray like an absolute jackass ]
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[There's quiet fury in Jon's voice and for just a moment, his form is one of eyes and void like the nightmares. He can remember the conversations with Daisy, talking her down. 'Don't listen to the blood, listen to the quiet.' But it's not his blood singing. It's not a burning, prickling sensation in his skin like Jude. Or maybe a stomach-dropping sensation for Mike. His mind cries out for the knowledge. Curiosity that's his own and something else's intermixed, bound so tightly he can't tell where the human ends and the Archivist's instincts start. Or if there's any difference anymore.]
I want... I want your Statement. That doesn't mean I should- I can't. I need to be more human. For Martin. We talked about this. Every time I give into it, a piece of that goes away.
[He's starving and Dorian's kind of Statement would be a perfect meal. Something like this, a verbal one, it would fill him up for at least a day or two. He'd be in a better place to be supportive of his boyfriend.]
Not all of us want to be monsters. Did you?
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Besides, Jon can still be together with Martin even if he's a horrifying eye monster that feeds on information, right? Maybe? ]
It doesn't matter what you want, [ Dorian says, with a little wave of his hand, straight up ignoring Jon's question to him. ] Do you think the cancer patient wanted his disease? What matters is that you deal with the hand you're dealt.
Besides, you tried to chop off your finger and let this...'Boneturner' take out two of your ribs. The more we talk, the less it seems you're trying to hold onto your humanity in the first place.
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"You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see."
Except a cancer patient doesn't have a choice in what happened to them. Jon has had every opportunity to turn back, to turn away from this, his nature. But he rarely has.]
That was to save someone. Daisy was trapped. I had to get her out.
[Except he hadn't had to do anything. Basira had told him not to. He'd jumped head first into that coffin as much to alleviate his own sense of uselessness, helplessness, as anything else. And it had played directly into Elias' hands. Jon covers his face.
He's breaking. He's going to break and give into this. He should have told Martin, regardless of what Dorian wants. A part of him had always known this was a possibility, and he'd come anyway.]
I just want to help people... If I have these powers then, I- What's the point of them--[of him existing as this horrible creature]--if I... don't?
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cw straight up murder
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