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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I've tried. Believe me, I have tried. The man is simply obtuse.

[brushoff]

In that case, you should come over to mine for a drink. Will that solve your problem? No. But will you not think for a few moments? Yes. And honestly, you need to not think for a bit.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Only if you swear not to reference any kind of media which involves a children's card card.

[brushoff]

All the media I'll reference is embarrassingly pretentious or embarrassingly dated. [ There's a pause before he admits, ] I can't fully deny my tendencies towards terrible nicknames—were you here when Thorn Birds was around? And by Thorn Birds, I mean hot vampire priest. But I'm restrained enough not to mention them in every sentence.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I'm aware of hot vampires and hot priests on board. I don't think I met the hot vampire one.

But more importantly-- you won't help me throw Eiffel overboard and you have tendencies towards terrible nicknames? Remind me why I associate with you again.

[ he's already on his way to dorian's cabin ]

[brushoff]

I'm cute? And smart. And always up for hearing you bitch about everybody else here.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I do not bitch about anyone.

[ hdu ]

[brushoff]

You're bitching about your warden right now.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I'm airing a very legitimate grievance.

[brushoff]

Via bitching. There's no shame in that! Just let your annoyances out.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I'd rather do something productive.

[ a pause, then-- ]

Would you like me to pick up anything else with your gin? I've made a stop at the bar.

[brushoff]

[ A pause as Dorian thinks things over. ]

Pick up mixers for your favorite cocktail. I want to see what you like.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

And what do you hope to discover, my dear?

[brushoff]

More about your tastes. More about what you like. Just more about you in general.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Dangerous, wanting to know more about an avatar of a fear entity who feeds on the horror of Knowing.

[brushoff]

Fortunately I'm a man who's immune to most danger. Thank you, immortality.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

And a man who can be an eternal source of fear, in the right circumstances. Do try to be a little careful, Dorian.

[ there is, despite himself, something fond in his tone. it's gone the next second ]

Well. I think I have everything I need. I'll see you shortly.

[brushoff]

[ Yeah, he spotted the fondness. You liiiiike him, Elias.

Which is good. Because Dorian's not entirely sure if Elias has any actual friends, just people he'll use and spit out on a moment's notice. And he knows how having just one person in your camp could make or break a few things. ]

See you in a few!

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ and it's a few minutes until there's a knock at the door.

elias also tries the handle, just to see if it will open for him, but he'll wait to enter until he hears from Dorian. ]

[brushoff]

[ The handle does indeed open for him! But soon after the knock, he hears Dorian yell, ] In the kitchen!

[ Dorian's door opens up to a small hallway. There's a bathroom at the end of the hallway, and two open doors on either side. One leads to a bedroom with a very large, very expensive bed and a veritable magpie's nest of stuff in the room. The other leads to a kitchen/dining area, where Dorian currently is, in the middle of juicing a lemon. The ceiling of the hallway has a hatch to the attic, currently padlocked. ]

Elias, that better be you, [ Dorian calls. ] I'm not sharing my alcohol if it's just some random person.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Somehow, I feel that's exactly the kind of thing you would do if you were bored enough, Dorian.

[ As always, the ceiling hatch intrigues Elias, but he's here for other things. He has with him a a large brown paper bag, which he sits on the counter and pulls out a number of bottles. All of them various cocktail ingredients ]

Now, if someone asks you if you know what happened to these before I return them, be a dear and don't report me.

[brushoff]

I'd report you if you did something like murder, blackmail, or mixing plaids with stripes, [ Dorian teases. He finishes juicing the lemon before taking his lemony hands over to the sink to wash them off. ]

Taking mixers from wherever you did is simply using Barge resources wisely! Now, tell me what you want and I'll make it.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Let's start with something simple. An old fashioned, if you please.

[ he folds the paper bag up and puts it out of the way ]

I fired a man once from the Archives for his atrocious taste in fashion. Back in the days you could simply tell a man to go and not be up to your neck in paperwork. It wasn't a week before he'd been taken by the Spiral.

[brushoff]

And I'm sure that was a simple coincidence, not you purposefully feeding a man to an eldritch entity to help save yourself.

[ says the man who would probably also purposefully feed a man to an eldritch entity to help save himself. ]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias opens his mouth to correct him-- no, he hadn't needed to save himself. he'd just wanted to see what would happen.

he stops himself. no need to make dorian aware of it if he thinks otherwise. ]

It's a dangerous line of work, being an avatar of fear. Not all of the fourteen entities are quite so... aggressive in their attempts to create chaos as the Spiral, but it pays to keep one's eyes open for anyone getting a little too close.