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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[brushoff]

[ Dorian pauses the conversation for a minute as he starts to stir his cocktail. It's not as loud as it would be with shaking, but it's loud enough that he doesn't want to talk over it. ]

If I find out what he's like, I'll tell you. Our beloved Archivist dragged me into a...I don't want to say 'project' involving Sephiroth. More like a 'co-parenting.'

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias' hands are busy in the silence, but he looks up in surprise at co-parenting ]

I can't imagine that was a pleasant to agree to.

[brushoff]

It was annoying, [ Dorian admits, with a little shrug. ] But I suppose I'll do it. I'm a sap and a sucker in that regard.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

He is quite handsome, in his own way.

[ elias doesn't think that's the regard dorian means ]

[brushoff]

[ Dorian shrugs! ]

Handsome, maybe. But he's not my type.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Unable to leave people who've murdered your inmates alone?

[ ]

[brushoff]

He's not fun. I don't mind egomaniacs. And I don't mind lunatics. But they need to command me attention. And so far, Sephiroth has been failing at that.

........ i just didn't finish that last tag oh god

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

He's rather singularly focused on this Cloud. You could ask Zack how he dresses, see if that warms him up to you.

lmaoooo

[brushoff]

If I'm going to play dress-up, I'd rather it be a bit more kinky. Naughty schoolboy or sexy police officer or something along those lines.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

There are surely such things as sexy clouds.

[brushoff]

There's sexy everything. As long as there are university girls willing to dress like a slut during Halloween, there will be sexy Halloween costumes.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Then I hope to see you doing your slutty varsity best to give Sephiroth what he wants.

[brushoff]

[ he gives Elias a saucy wink ]

Though really, I'm saving my nonexistent cherry for one troublesome inmate—and it's not him.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I'm sure Envy would put out after a nice dinner and a little romancing.

[ that's clearly who dorian is after ]

[brushoff]

Ah yes, [ Dorian points out, with a little eyeball roll and then a smirk. ] Envy.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

There's something to be said for a man who can be anyone you'd like in bed.

[brushoff]

The problem here is, it's not the shape that matters, it's how you use it. And I know he would be a pathetic fuck.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Better or worse than Sephiroth?

[brushoff]

Hmmm...if I had to guess, worse? Though really, they're both probably still virgins, which is a disaster in it's own regard.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias, hands all floury, turns the dough out onto dorian's countertop, smiling to himself ]

Now, now. Everyone starts that way and we don't all have the advantage of attractive Lord Wottons or Romantic young poets to turn our eye.

[brushoff]

I'm allowed to have preferences! [ he teases. At the moment, Dorian isn't doing much work, instead allowing himself to smile and grin and joke with Elias. ]

I'd be boring as hell if I didn't.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias enjoys his control enough that he's happy to be doing all the work ]

Perhaps these poor young men are only boring because they're never been introduced to the wonders of licentiousness? Think of the service you'd be doing the barge if they suddenly found whole new avenues for stress relief which didn't involve murder or extravagant threats?

[brushoff]

Mmm, I am perfectly happy to lead people into depravity, [ Dorian smirks. ] The problem is that they need to be worth it. If I ruined every repressed little virgin that came across my path, I'd have no time for myself.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias tuts amused ]

What kind of warden even are you, Dorian?

[brushoff]

I ask myself that question every single day, [ he teases, expertly hiding the fact that he really does ask that question every single day, good God what is he doing here, one day the Admiral will wise up and realize he made a mistake. ]