tlv ic contact

[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

voice, video, text, action

Comments

[cactusy]

So... you picked the fake job, so you wouldn't have to do any real work.

Maybe I should make you patrol with me. Get some use out of you.

[brushoff]

One, inventory is absolutely a real job. Do you know how many people have weird supernatural dietary restrictions on this ship? And that's before you get to the people who think they're being helpful by making disgusting little insect food that only they'll eat. Honestly, I am counting down the days until Ye Zun leaves so we can finally eject those awful mealworms into the deep vacuum of space.

Two, I'm the poster child for useless hedonism. If I patrolled with you, I'd probably bore you to tears with a story or two, letting us get absolutely nothing done.

[cactusy]

Oh, inventory is definitely a real job, but not the way you were describing it. How much of that stuff do you actually do, and how much of it do you delegate?

Also, if you patrolled with me, I wouldn't let you distract me and we'd get plenty done.

[brushoff]

I'd say about fifty-fifty. You know Sweeney? When I took the job, he had been running inventory for...hell, for months now. He was a well-oiled machine. As far as I'm concerned, it's stupid to fix something that isn't broken. So I slid in there, adapted to his system, and we've been running smoothly ever since.

And of course I'd distract you. I'm a wonderful distraction.

[cactusy]

And I'm immune to your charms, Slick.

[brushoff]

Nobody's immune to my charms, Little Miss HIPPA. [ Which he knows has even less to do with law enforcement that CSI, but he's doubling down on being a shit. And without hesitation, he gets a stupid though and decides to act on it. Keeping his tone smooth, Dorian muses, ] Or Little Miss BOFA? I'm not sure which would be a better nickname.

[cactusy]

... Bank of America?

[brushoff]

BOFA. You know, bow-fa. Surely you've heard of that before!

[ Please please please take the bait. ]

[cactusy]

No...? What does it mean, bow-fa what?

[brushoff]

Bofa deez nuts.

[ There's a pause before Dorian lets out a very immature giggle. ]

Ohhh Christ, I've been hanging out with Roman too much. This really isn't my sort of joke. But you left it wide open!

[cactusy]

That's worse than Eiffel-tier. I mean that as an insult. Also? Just proving my point.

[brushoff]

I can pass for twenty. I've hung out with a lot of stupid young men. Beautiful, obviously. But nothing between the ears.

You learn all the terrible jokes that way.

[cactusy]

You know I was in the Marines, right?

[brushoff]

Oh God, that explains everything.

[cactusy]

It explains that I've heard my share of bad jokes, and somehow yours still take the cake.

[brushoff]

It explains your personality, Shaw.

[cactusy]

It explains some of my methods. Trust me, my personality was always like this.

[brushoff]

Why not both?

I'm still not going on patrol with you, by the way.

[cactusy]

Because you know you couldn't distract me and I'd put you to work; I get it.

[brushoff]

Keep telling yourself that, FBI.