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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[epistemological]

Oh well, if you'd rather I don't put my mouth to work there, I mean, I certainly don't have to-

[brushoff]

This is that dirty talk again, [ Dorian interrupts. ] You don't need to clean up because I'm going to suck your prick or give you a handjob and make you cum all over yourself.

[epistemological]

I know what it is, Dorian.

[ And he'll lean up to kiss his cheek. ]

I'm teasing you.

[brushoff]

You shit, [ said affectionately. ]

Come on, [ he says, as he stands upright. ] Lay back down on this bed so I can fuck you senseless.

[epistemological]

[ Dorian standing naked there is... well, it's a little ridiculous. But Jon swallows and it has nothing to do with that, exactly. ]

I, um... I'm not-

[ A deep breath in. ]

I don't want you to be... surprised, all right?

[brushoff]

Why would I be surprised?

[ wait a moment. ]

Oh my God, don't tell me that you've got a tentacle or eyes down there or anything like that?

[ Dorian is smiling like an idiot. This is a man who is 100% down to clown with tentacle sex. ]

[epistemological]

[ Oh Christ, he takes a moment and scrubs at his face. Ahhhhh. Shit. ]

No.

I, um-

[ He looks at the ceiling for a second before turning back to Dorian. ]

You are aware I'm- that is, I don't-

[ A pause. ]

I'm not hard. Nothing we're doing really- you, naked, as lovely as you are to look at, it doesn't-

I don't- usually, I-

[ Ugggggggh. ]

Sex doesn't... do much for me. Sensuality, touching, warmth, I- I very much enjoy that. I'd love to lay with you naked and discuss anything you want. I even- I even like taking care of my partner that way, because I can see how much they enjoy it. That makes it worth it for me. But the physical-

[ He deflates a bit. ]

Honestly, I'd rather have a wank in the shower to get the whole thing done with for my health and leave it at that.

[brushoff]

[ There's a pause as Dorian takes all this in.

Right. Well. Hmm. ]

Considering that I like to make people orgasm, I'm definitely going to have to find...mmm an equivalent exchange for that.

[ He's trying very hard to keep a neutral face because he loves Jon, he adores the man, he loves his company and would do anything he asks. But it's obvious that whereas Jon might be a 3 on the 'acts of sex are my love language' scale, Dorian is a 30. ]

Maybe I could jack you off in the shower?

[epistemological]

You could, um...

[ Christ, this is awkward ]

I'm very much a fan of backrubs and, um, petting my hair, my back: touch. Closeness. Kissing; I could kiss you for ages, I think. Or listen to you talk about things. N-not even supernatural things, just- music or movies or something. And, um...

I do like- [ just a little sheepish ] l-looking at you. T-the way I did earlier. It's- it's very good.

[brushoff]

Right.

[ He is going to have to reconsider how the world works. ]

Then maybe we can lie on your bed and I can give you a backrub while telling you about...hell, I don't know, my old band?

[epistemological]

[ Jon immediately looks a great deal more enthused. He nods as he reaches down and carefully starts to pull off his shirt. There's some hesitance as he gets to the point of actually pulling it off, as he knows that the ribs missing make his chest look a bit odd and his waist even thinner than it ought to be and that the stab wounds never really look any better, but... at least there are a great deal less worm holes? ]

Should I- I mean, of course.

[ And he'll crawl onto the bed, turning to give Dorian a hopeful smile. ]

[brushoff]

Oh, stop worrying, [ Dorian points out, shoving down any secret irritation at the fact that he was denied the handjob or blowjob opportunity and pushing it all behind a little grin of his own. He climbs up on the bed, positioning himself so that he's behind Jon. He starts to rub small circles on the man's back, trying not to think about what must have caused all those stab wounds. ]

The band was called Dorian Gray and the Hedonists because of course we were. And we were mod.

[epistemological]

[ He will, at least, get to see the results of his work, a singular and unique shift in Jon. He's not, at least publicly, a terribly sensual person. He's got a personal space bubble a mile wide unless you are on a very small list of people he wants to fall over onto but even then, it's a very different thing from the languid relaxation and the soft sounds that slip between his breaths happening now. He almost sounds dazed as he notes- ]

Christ, I can imagine the haircuts now. Probably cut people with the line of your suits.

[brushoff]

I rode a Vespa.

[ He says that with the utmost pride in his voice. You're getting a back rub from a cliche, Jon. Dorian saw the mod subculture and went full tilt into it. ]

We even had a confrontation with some rockers. Granted, that was mostly because the leader of the rockers turned out to be an extra-dimensional being that could whip the crowd into a frenzy, but that's the unique Dorian Gray spin on that nonsense.

[epistemological]

You're ridiculous. A beautiful farce. I'm sorry I didn't get to see it.

[ He sounds so relaxed, all melted chocolate and whipped cream. Even if it's not sex, it's clear he's greatly enjoying this, having Dorian's hands on him.]

You told me about the rocker, though. And how you killed him.

[brushoff]

Most of my stories end in murder, [ Dorian admits. He adjusts his position so that he can give Jon a shoulder rub instead, trying something new as he talks. ]

Halloween's coming up soon, isn't it? If we have a costume party, I know what I'll dress as.

[epistemological]

You'll cut someone. It will be the most ridiculous demotion on the Barge. Turn your head and off pops Quigley's.

[ Those shoulders are sinking now too. He's very happy, really. ]

[brushoff]

Mmm, as obnoxious as she is, I can't kill Quigley. I've only talked to her a bit but I really like her girlfriend.

[epistemological]

[ That makes him peek up a little. ]

She has a girlfriend?

[brushoff]

[ Dorian continues rubbing circles on Jon's back, moving slightly so that he can lightly trail his fingers down the man's spine. ]

I don't think they're official? But Misty's so codependent they might as well be. Have you met Natalie yet? She just arrived. Admittedly, I know her best from that flood she showed up in, but I am keeping very quiet about that so as not to freak the poor dear out.

[ that flood she showed up in and that Misty IMMEDIATELY bothered Dorian about once the flood was over with questions about Natalie. ]

[epistemological]

[ He makes a noise of annoyance at the mention of Misty. But Natalie- ]

I like Natalie. Gave her a pack of cigarettes and bought her a lighter. We listened to the Sex Pistols for a bit. Misty's already threatened me over her.

[ After a moment- ]

Keep doing that please, it's lovely.

[brushoff]

[ And Dorian keeps doing that! He trails his fingers down before rubbing small circles back up, continuing the backrub. ]

You can do better than the Sex Pistols. That's a cliche pick.

[epistemological]

[ And Jon's head will loll to the side in obvious enjoyment. See? You're making him very happy. ]

Neither of us were... in the mood for anything special. Sometimes, the classics are good.

[brushoff]

[ This is still very weird for Dorian 'my love language is kink' Gray, but he can adapt. Hopefully. ]

This just means I need to introduce you to more music. You'll have more options that way.

[epistemological]

[ You've got an avatar of the Ceaseless Watcher in your bed, Dorian. You may just have to get Creative. ]

I don't need- I mean, I'm always up for more music but it was- it was just a moment to relax. I wasn't going to pop up with some last pressing edition of a song only produced in 1974 just for the novelty.