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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[brushoff]

What? Oh, no, I'm actually that Dorian Gray. Portrait in the attic and everything.

[ Said attic that was definitely locked ]

[citizendetective]

[Wh...at. What. She glances down at the martini she's been plugging away at, as if it might be the cause of this insanity she's hearing.]

You're messing with me.

[brushoff]

Ohhh you are going to need a lot more alcohol, [ Dorian sighs, as he takes another drink of his martini. ]

Pick your poison next. Because no, I'm not messing with you.

[citizendetective]

I just-- different worlds, okay, but you're saying you're from a book.

Um, what else do you have?

[brushoff]

I'm not from a book. The book was written about me. A small difference, but a critical one—and yes, this means I've met Oscar Wilde.

As for alcohol, there's gin, vodka, whiskey, and a wide variety of mixers. No schnapps, though. I've got taste.

[citizendetective]

Okay, but in my world, that book is fiction-- and hey, schnapps are good.

[brushoff]

You think the book is fiction. How do you know for certain?

[citizendetective]

In a place like this, you could say that about anything.

[brushoff]

Then let me amend my question. How do you know the book is fiction back in your world? Do you have interviews with Oscar? The man could have lied. Is it simply because people have called it fiction? Give it long enough and all religious texts fall into that category as well.

[citizendetective]

Okay, fine; I don't know.

[She takes a long sip, finishing off her drink.]

But I am almost positive.

[brushoff]

I can accept that, [ he grins, finishing off his drink as well. ]

Another round?

[citizendetective]

Sure. Maybe something a little, uh--

[She looks at her empty glass.]

-- less strong, this time? I mean, it's not like I'm going to have to drive, but I need to be able to walk out of here.

[brushoff]

Of course, [ Dorian says, with a nod. He is absolutely not going to make it less strong. ]

Maybe a margarita this time?

[citizendetective]

Yeah, sure! Hey, if you had to guess - what percentage of wardens have full bars in their cabins? You do, Pagan does...

[brushoff]

Pagan and I are outright alcoholics, [ Dorian says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. ]

Don't judge everybody else on our failings.

[citizendetective]

Oh, come on; I don't think he's that bad.

[Her brow wrinkles.]

Is he? Should I be worried?

[brushoff]

[ Dorian doesn't say anything. Instead, he gives Misty a coy little smile and pushes a way-too-strong margarita in her direction. ]

Drink up, darling.

[citizendetective]

No, I'm-- I'm serious.

[She does take a sip (is it her imagination, or is this really strong?), but she studies Dorian as she does, frowning a little.]

He's my warden; if he has a substance abuse problem, I should know about it! I need to look out for him.

[brushoff]

Do you mind if I smoke? [ he asks, just blatantly ignoring Misty's question. ] I was trying to cut back when the Barge was on rationing a while back but honestly, I can feel myself starting to lapse.

[citizendetective]

Only if you answer my question.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian looks Misty dead in the eye. Just straight up stares at her. And then he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a cigarette and lights it up.

Nope! He is letting her come to her own conclusions on the matter. ]

[citizendetective]

[Dorian, you have just doomed Pagan to endless fretting about his drinking. Woe.]

Wow, you're-- annoying.

[No self-awareness. Zero self-awareness.]

I mean, you're a warden. And aren't you his friend? You should be encouraging people taking an interest and looking out for him, especially because he's, um, he's actually a really great warden; this place needs him in top form. Also, what if I were allergic to cigarette smoke, or had asthma? Or some other lung issue?

[brushoff]

[ Dorian is perfectly fine that he's doomed Pagan to endless fretting about his drinking, Pagan deserves that for making him deal with this nonsense in the first place. ]

Why should I encourage other people looking out for him when you're doing such a good job already? [ that is some very audible sarcasm in his voice. ] After all, that's the only reason why you're here, isn't it? If I wasn't Pagan's friend, you wouldn't give a damn about me.

[ At least, that's what he's assuming. From what Pagan's said about Misty, she seems like the type who might be overly attached. He takes another drag on his cigarette, blowing the smoke in Misty's direction like an absolute jackass, before Dorian transfers the cigarette to one hand so he can use the other to pick up his margarita. ]

[citizendetective]

That's not tr-- hey.

[She swats theatrically at the smoke, in a way that's perhaps a little less coordinated than it would be under ordinary, stone cold sober circumstances.]

[brushoff]

It's true and you know it, [ Dorian says, as he gives Misty a little shrug. ]

There's nothing wrong with only giving a shit about someone because your friend likes them. You just need to admit it to yourself.