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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[brushoff]

What? I'm being reassuring! Couldn't you tell?

[citizendetective]

Talking about how change is impossible doesn't give a reassuring impression! Even to someone who doesn't really want to change.

[brushoff]

Change isn't impossible, I'm trying to say that you can still be a bit of a shitheel and still graduate!

[citizendetective]

[She sighs, forces some of the defensiveness out of her body language, and finishes off the rest of her first glass of wine.]

... Okay. Okay, thank you. I-- it's appreciated! Pagan says the same thing, and it means a lot.

[Reaching for the bottle she refills her glass, then holds it out as a silent offer to top off Dorian, too.]

Do you think I'm Nat's one and only?

[She says suddenly, out of the blue.]

Or are you imagining that as a one-way thing?

[brushoff]

I mean, you and Nat certainly aren't exclusive.

[ Because....well, someone might have eaten Natalie's pussy at the Halloween party BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA FOCUS ON THAT RIGHT NOW, HEY LET'S TOP OFF HIS WINE AS WELL, MORE DRINKS ARE GREAT ]

But I think there's a difference between 'being in love' and 'sleeping with someone.' Not to say that you two are in love, of course, [ except that they totally are ] but I think that if someone asked each of you 'who do you feel closest to, who is the one person that you would do anything for,' the two of you would answer with each other.

[citizendetective]

You really think she would? Has she said that?

[DO FUCKIN TELL, DORIAN]

[brushoff]

[ oh no ]

I mean, this is just an educated guess. You two are remarkably intense with each other.

[citizendetective]

[It's a guess that no one would ever have made at home. She can't imagine a single person from Wiskayok ever saying anything close to "she would do anything for you".

Which, of course, just makes this all the more interesting to hear.]

Okay, well-- obviously she told you that we're sleeping with each other.

[Misty, honey, you two were making out very publicly at the Halloween party.]

[brushoff]

Considering that I saw the two of you sucking face at the Halloween party, I'm not surprised.

[ guess who has eyes, bitch. ]

[citizendetective]

Well, we weren't then...

[But she's smiling - a little proud, a little smug.]

So she hasn't actually said anything. You're just, um, observing?

[brushoff]

I'm a horrific gossip, Misty. Of course I was observing.

[citizendetective]

Well! I appreciate your observations a lot more than people appreciate mine.

[brushoff]

Honestly, I think that's because you need to work on your phrasing. You can get away with being a terrible gossip if you just give it the right spin.

[citizendetective]

You mean make it sound more personal, like I'm asking because I care about the people involved.

[brushoff]

Or choose your audience.

Take that post you made a few months ago, the 'someone here has nuclear weapons' post. Wonderful gossip, I adored reading through the post. But when you toss out a juicy little tidbit to the entire Barge, everybody is going to immediately assume you're saying this simply to start shit.

[ Which...let's be real here, Dorian is absolutely certain Misty was saying it just to start shit. But he'll give her the benefit of the doubt in order to continue the Here's How You People Lessons. ]

If you really want something to go around, just casually mention it to a few people, especially those who you know will mention it to a few more people. If I had a juicy piece of information I wanted everybody to know, I'd tell it to chatterboxes like you or Doug Eiffel and not bother telling those boring sorts that keep to themselves.

You don't have to actually give a shit about whoever you're gossiping about. You just have to play it right.

[citizendetective]

Okay, it's not bad advice, but here's the problem with it.

[She holds up a hand, ticking off items on her fingers.]

One, sometimes I do care, but people assume that I don't. Two, I made that post the way I did to punish Pagan, and I-- well, I regret it now. My original plan had been to handle the situation responsibly!

And three...

[Her she smiles slyly.]

I'm actually amazing at keeping secrets when I want to. So you should take me off your chatterbox list.

[brushoff]

One, I'm going to trust you on that keeping secrets bit. Who knows, maybe I might tell you a secret of my own that you wouldn't share with anybody. Two, why the hell would you want to punish Pagan in the first place? And three, if people assume that you don't care, then maybe try working on having them realize you do care?

[citizendetective]

[Well, that's a lot to cover. She hesitates, thinking, and then decides to go with the question that sounds both the most important and the least rhetorical.]

I wanted to punish Pagan because I was mad at him - at the time. We don't always get along.

[brushoff]

Honestly, I am perfectly fine with the punishing Pagan part. [ Even if he REALLY WANTS MORE DETAILS about why they were fighting. ]

What I don't get is why you didn't come up with a way where you could punish him that didn't involve also making it everybody's business.

[citizendetective]

I was acting impulsively, Dorian. I wasn't thinking things through, it was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing.

[brushoff]

Well there's your problem right there. Acting impulsively doesn't give you results. If you truly want to make someone hurt, that's when the planning kicks in.

[citizendetective]

Don't condescend to me. I've done my fair share of real hurting.

I don't want to do that to Pagan.

[brushoff]

[ There's a pause as Dorian finishes off his wine. ]

I'm glad to hear that, [ he quietly admits. ] It's easy to hurt people but harder to try not to.

[ And in his mind? Pagan doesn't deserve to be hurt. ]

[citizendetective]

[Misty swirls a finger around the inside edge of her glass, nodding.]

That's it, isn't it. A few people have tried to talk to me about learning how to resist the urge to kill and hurt, but they're missing the point. I've never had uncontrollable urges like that. I'm not bloodthirsty.

But if I think it's necessary, or they deserve it, and I don't want to try not to...

[brushoff]

Anyone who tries to talk to you about resisting the urge to hurt really needs to look at half of the Barge.

[ Does Misty probably need to learn not to immediately go into attack dog mode if someone's a dick to Natalie? Yes. Can Dorian think of at least three people off the top of his head who need that 'don't hurt people' lesson more than she does? Absolutely yes. ]

But I've got a hundred years' experience of breaking things. If you think they deserve it, it's just so damn easy to come up with a justification.