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[ Dorian regrets his entire life as he mumbles, ]

You couldn't give the commentary in the first place because you'd have my cock in your mouth.

[ Jon's brain is going through the whole situation, the line itself, the connotations, and is trying to come up with how that would work, exactly. How is it flirting- when would that situation even-]

...all right?

I know it's ridiculous, but it's dirty talk! It's supposed to be ridiculous. It's the same sort of 'I like that shirt, do you know where it would look better, on my floor' sort of vibe.

But at least that's complimentary! That makes sense!

Saying that I think you should give me a blowjob can be complimentary!

[ please, Admiral, just kill him now. ]

Saying you think you would like a blowjob from me is complimentary. Saying you think I should give you one is- well, that just means you're greedy.

That's the point! It's not called 'ask someone politely' talk!

Wait, was that supposed to be dirty talk or flirting? I thought you said it was flirting.

Dirty talk is flirting! They're the same thing!

[ he's more embarrassed than anything else, a rare feat for Dorian Gray. ]

They are not! Even I know that! I-it's like squares and rectangles!

Dirty talk is a kind of flirting, but not all flirting is dirty talk.

I cannot believe you are comparing flirting to maths.

It's a simile, Dorian. Not a direct comparison.

Similes are still comparisons.

Which is-

[ He's stopping. ]

Is there any chance we could move on to literally anything else?

Oh my God yes please. Talk about...I don't know, your dog or something. Let's go back to your room so I can pet your dog and not have to think about my toddler inmate or my inability to flirt for a while.

[ Because Dorian is BEET RED at the moment. ]

[ A beet red Dorian is... well, Jon is pressing his lips together just a little impishly because- ]

...you're rather adorable like this. If that helps.

[ Then he's going to start walking towards his cabin. ]

...hush up. I'm always adorable.

[ Dorian is STILL BLUSHING but trailing behind Jon. Time to not talk about this ever again and pet a dog instead! ]

Isn't hushing me up how we got into this in the first place?

[ Still walking. ]

I don't imagine many people get to see Dorian Grey blushing.

Don't tell them, [ he sarcastically muses. ]

I have a reputation to uphold.

[ They are thankfully at his door. He's opening it, holding it for Dorian, and closing it all before taking a moment to look at him, blushing and ridiculous.

In some fantasy of his, he'd turn around and kiss him on the mouth right then, just to let him know how fond of him he is, how delightful and ridiculous all of it is.

But Jon's still... still a little gun shy at the moment, which is why he'll instead point to the dog. ]

Winifred, reporting for duty, I believe.

Come here you awful slobbering beast, [ Dorian coos, grinning at Winifred. He makes a few little kissy noises, happy to pet the dog and not worry about his embarrassment. ]

[ Winifred will trot forward and go for all of the loving he's got for her. Jon's going to shake his head and go to make tea. ]

[ There are plenty of scratches and scritches and 'whoosa good girl'. After a moment, Dorian stops the pets to look over at Jon. ]

You really have an entire menagerie here. Frankly, it's ridiculous.

Only one animal was mine originally.

And Sandy doesn't even sleep here.

How big is Sandy going to get anyway?

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