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[brushoff]

"You've reached the inbox of one Dorian Gray. Don't forget to leave me a message. If you're interesting, I'll get back to you."

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[brushoff]

Because I didn't realize how much what I did would fucking hurt until I did it.

[ They've reached Dorian's room. He hesitates for a moment before pushing open his door. ]

Come on. Maybe if I get drunk enough I'll tell you more details.

[citizendetective]

[Misty, still watching him closely, accepts this answer. The promise of more (maybe doesn't feel so much like a real maybe in this case, she thinks) helps with that.]

"One and only" doesn't really work for me.

[She says thoughtfully, following him in.]

I've always wanted a group of people like that. But I'm really glad that you thought that's what me and Nat were to each other.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian walks to his kitchen, gesturing for Misty to follow. As he talks, he rummages in his fridge for a chilled bottle of wine, gets two glasses from a shelf, and starts pouring. ]

Whereas I've never really wanted that group. You learn to keep people at arm's length when you're immortal. Gain too big a friends group and people start asking questions you don't want to answer.

I could only have the 'here's why I'm immortal' conversation so many times back home. Naturally, you can understand why part of me finds the Barge so fucking off-putting.

[citizendetective]

But you're still here, so...

[She leans against the kitchen counter, arms folded.]

How many deals do you need?

[brushoff]

Two. The first deal was to fuck over someone who decided to fuck me over. The second deal is to find something that was stolen from me. After that? I'm gone.

[citizendetective]

[She huffs. Of course Dorian, the warden, is allowed to fuck people over, while she, the inmate, isn't.]

Well, I'm really glad you're going with Pagan, even if he isn' your... person. You have no idea how worried I've been about him.

[brushoff]

[ TO BE FAIR, the person he's going to fuck over is the literal devil. The metrics are a bit different when your deal is to give two middle fingers to Lucifer himself. ]

You aren't the only one worried, [ Dorian sighs. ] Honestly, part of me can't help but wonder if the only reason he came back for a deal was because he was lonely. We both know he doesn't need the Admiral's help to get that island.

[citizendetective]

That's part of it. He feels like he belongs with the people here. But... he also wanted to help people like me.

He does help me, even though he doesn't totally realize it.

[brushoff]

Men like Pagan and myself are our own worst critics. I remain perpetually surprised I managed to graduate Trixie.

[citizendetective]

Oh, well, she was probably pretty easy, right?

[She takes a delicate sip of wine, and then tries for her first smile of the night. It's small and slight, but it's there, and it's real.]

[brushoff]

[ Dorian lets out a small chuckle as he takes a sip of his own wine. ]

Trixie was easy and annoyingly difficult at the same time. It's easy to pinpoint what's wrong with all the murderers and lunatics and come up with a game plan then and there. But how to you redeem someone who, by your account, didn't really do much wrong?

After all, Trixie's main problem was a crippling lack of self-esteem and a nasty tendency to pick fights.

[citizendetective]

The Barge does seem like a good place for someone with self-esteem issues.

[All that attention, all that validation from people like Iris...]

I don't get why it didn't pick me up when I was sixteen.

[brushoff]

Because you'd have to have died, [ Dorian bluntly responds. ]

Honestly? You should be thankful. Our squad of misfit teenagers...it's sad. Sad in both an emotional and pathetic sense. The wardens are sad because they have something they'd be willing to put their life on hold for at age sixteen, the inmates are sad because they've fucked up enough that they're on the ship in the first place.

[citizendetective]

It would have been easier - on Pagan, and on me. I'm forty-three, Dorian. I'm very set in my ways.

[brushoff]

I'm over a hundred and fifty. You're baby, Misty.

[citizendetective]

So are you, compared to people like Sweeney! That's not the point. I would have been thrilled to be here if I were still sixteen. I would have been happy to "change".

[She hooks fingerquotes into the air, then takes another gulp of wine.]

[brushoff]

I don't think so, [ Dorian says, with a shake of his head. ]

You'd like to think things would be different if teenage you were here. In practice? Who knows.

[citizendetective]

It's common sense, Dorian. If who I am is a "problem"--

[More fingerquotes.]

-- then the Admiral should have picked me up when the "problem" was still new.

[brushoff]

Right, I'm going to put a stop in that right there. [ He uses his free hand to point at Misty. ] You aren't a problem. Some choices you've made have been problems. But people don't magically turn into a different person when they graduate. They're still the same shitheads that arrived her, just a little more well-adjusted.

[citizendetective]

Dorian, I can't tell if you're being reassuring or defeatist here.

[brushoff]

What? I'm being reassuring! Couldn't you tell?

[citizendetective]

Talking about how change is impossible doesn't give a reassuring impression! Even to someone who doesn't really want to change.

[brushoff]

Change isn't impossible, I'm trying to say that you can still be a bit of a shitheel and still graduate!

[citizendetective]

[She sighs, forces some of the defensiveness out of her body language, and finishes off the rest of her first glass of wine.]

... Okay. Okay, thank you. I-- it's appreciated! Pagan says the same thing, and it means a lot.

[Reaching for the bottle she refills her glass, then holds it out as a silent offer to top off Dorian, too.]

Do you think I'm Nat's one and only?

[She says suddenly, out of the blue.]

Or are you imagining that as a one-way thing?

[brushoff]

I mean, you and Nat certainly aren't exclusive.

[ Because....well, someone might have eaten Natalie's pussy at the Halloween party BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA FOCUS ON THAT RIGHT NOW, HEY LET'S TOP OFF HIS WINE AS WELL, MORE DRINKS ARE GREAT ]

But I think there's a difference between 'being in love' and 'sleeping with someone.' Not to say that you two are in love, of course, [ except that they totally are ] but I think that if someone asked each of you 'who do you feel closest to, who is the one person that you would do anything for,' the two of you would answer with each other.